For Who Would Mourn a Snake
by Blackwolf-20
Summary: What happened to Severus's soul after he died? Did he find heaven, hell, or somewhere in-between? The one time potions master must discover what lies for him beyond death as he comes to terms with his past mistakes and relationships.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: **_**I don't own Harry Potter**

**I would have liked to make a longer fanfic for HP, especially after re-reading Deathly Hallows. But since it's impossible now I decided to write this four chaptered fic inspired by reading the **_**King's Cross **_**chapter. It's where ever Snape went after death, and having one last meeting not only with Harry, but a few others after everything's revealed. I hope to do my best to keep Snape in character, including the others. In this fic his death is inspired by the way it was depicted in the film, not the book.**

A Lily-less Godric's Hollow

There was silence. Pure silence as he had never heard. For the moment, Severus Snape simply lay where he was, on his back unmoving, eyes closed. No, they weren't closed. He thought they were, for everything was pitch black. He blinked but the darkness didn't pass. Severus wanted to frown, wanted to rise up to his feet but he didn't dare make a move. Thoughts of what had happened started to plague him. He saw Voldemort raise his wand and use his own spell against him to make the cut across his neck, felt the vicious bites of Nagini as she struck him repeatedly, he felt the...blood. Instinctively his hand flew to his neck.

It was in that moment that he realized he wasn't so dead; that he still had his body. But surely he must have died? Voldemort wanted him dead for the wand!

A sudden cold breeze swept over him. No robes rustled on him and he could feel it on bare skin. With some ounce of fascination and horror, he realized that he was completely naked. Still he did not move. He gripped his neck harder. There were no holes from the snake bite left behind. It was true. He was dead.

He raised his hand in front of his face, but the flesh wasn't pale and ghostly like the Hogwarts' ghosts. It looked solid and normal. With the realization that he had some colored sight in the blackness, he became curious of where he lay. Then to add to the sight of his hand hovering before him, little white dots were falling toward him from the supposed black sky. It was snow, but it wasn't cool. He laid his arm down at his side and felt the snow beneath it. It was comfortable and not the least bit cold, or perhaps it was only because he was too dead to feel the snow.

What was there to do now? Severus didn't want to brood on his death any longer, but he couldn't help it. He sat up and ran a shaky hand through his clean, tangle free hair. There was no sweat, blood or tears from his struggle to defend himself against the students and staff of Hogwarts. There wasn't the usual looks of loathing or whispers of hatred for him behind his back. It was a peaceful quiet. Something he didn't think he'd ever heard, not even when he was a child living in his parents' house. Severus glanced up at the sky as the snowflakes continued to fall. Then he turned and looked around him. The place wasn't so dark with the outlines of little houses along the snowy road where he sat. However no lights were on to suggest anyone occupied the homes. He was still alone, in an unknown village, completely nude. The darkness started to consume him.

Just as Severus was considering entering one of the houses for clothing, the lights in the houses started to flicker on one by one. The light exposed him against the snow, but there were no curious heads peeking out at him. Even if there were, Severus wasn't sure he could take the shame. He raised his arm to peer past the light into the houses, but the light was extraordinarily bright. There was a sudden crunching sound approaching and Severus turned where he sat. A figure was coming. Severus could only stare. Was it the grim reaper coming to take him away? Coming to take him to hell for betraying Lily and putting so many young wizards in danger? Was he here...because of Harry?

As the figure came closer, he became familiar. His white robes and silver beard billowed in the slight breeze. Severus couldn't help cringing at the sight of the old man approaching. He felt himself reduced to a mere child as he stood a few feet before him. His eyes were twinkling just as they always did, but he wasn't fully focused on him. He was looking straight ahead. Severus couldn't understand why, unless he was too ashamed to look at him because of what he had done.

"H-Headmaster," he started in a curious, yet serious tone.

"You've managed to make it this far Severus," he said kindly, "But do you think you can take it a step further by providing yourself with clothing?"

Severus was sure his cheeks had flushed. He looked down and quickly bowed his head in shame. He had completely forgotten he was bare. With a strain of some embarrassment, he managed to speak again.

"How...how do I accomplish that, headmaster?"

"Simply imagine what you wish as your attire," he said, still smiling and not looking at him. Severus did just that, imagining his usual black attire. Out of nowhere, several wisps of black smoke began to weave in and around his body, forming into comfortable black robes. When he sensed he was dressed, Dumbledore gazed down and silently watched as Severus felt the material between his fingers.

"Much different from the ones you used to wear," he said matter-of-factly. "Quite comfortable."

"You mean the ones I used to wear, when I was alive." It wasn't a question, but a cold statement left hanging in the silent night. When Severus didn't get a response, he turned to him with raised eyebrows. "I am dead, aren't I Headmaster?"

Dumbledore nodded slowly. "I'm afraid you are. And with that being said, there's no reason for you to be so formal. You may call me Albus, in fact I prefer it, but if you don't feel comfortable with it Dumbledore is fine."

Severus couldn't help studying him for a trick, that this act of kind words was just an act. But he knew Dumbledore enough to know it wasn't.

"Dumbledore, Albus." He wasn't quite sure where to begin. He didn't know what to ask. He already confirmed he was dead, but the news didn't alarm him. He wasn't the least bit scared, in fact, he wasn't anything at all.

"Yes Severus?" Dumbledore urged.

"Where are we?"

"Ah, I believe we are where you wish to be."

"What do you mean where I wish to be?" Severus demanded. "I simply woke up here, in this village."

"But what village is this Severus? Does it look familiar, does it remind you of anything?"

Severus looked around as the houses came into better focus. Now that he mentioned it, the place did look familiar, like it was based on a place he had visited. Then it hit him as his eyes fell on the only house that looked wrecked.

"This is...Godric's Hollow," he said in surprise. Dumbledore too looked at the house.

"I believe it is. And I also belive that is the Potter's home after Voldemort destroyed it. After he tore apart their family. The place where Harry became the 'Boy Who Lived'. And where Lily Potter died, protecting him."

The words hurt like they had never hurt before. Like he was hearing them and seeing it for the first time. Shakily Severus got to his feet and stared. A fresh wave of emotions was stirring up within him and he couldn't understand why. Lily Potter had died years ago, but now it felt like it had just happened-in that moment. Severus didn't know if it was possible for him to cry here, but if it was, he was determined to hold back.

"I know the story," he said with a hard edge to his voice. "But why am I here? I do not wish to be here."

"You've always wished to see Lily again, haven't you Severus? You can't deny that."

"But why here?" he demanded again. "Why like this? Is it my punishment?"

"Punishment?" asked Dumbledore in surprise as he turned to look at him instead. "Why would you think you need punishment?"

"For all the things I have done, obviously. For siding with the Dark Lord. For doing his bidding. For killing Lily," he stopped to stare into Dumbledore's eyes. "For killing you."

There was silence following as Dumbledore observed the pain coming into the man's eyes. "For killing me, on my orders," Dumbledore corrected. "Everything you have done for Voldemort was under my instruction."

"Only after I re-joined you. And then...there was Lily."

"A great mistake. You consider it your greatest."

"Of course it's my greatest!" he cried as the frustration started to build. "If I hadn't, if I hadn't told-"

"Voldemort about the prophecy she would not have died?" Dumbledore finished and questioned. "You cannot place the fault completely on your shoulders. The same outcome may have always happened."

"You can't know that Dumbledore," Severus argued. Without his realizing it, his eyes had become very moist, and his voice was starting to crack. "I was responsible." He stopped and rubbed his eyes, catching the wetness on his fingertips. "Why do I feel like this? Now, after all this time?" He wasn't really looking for an answer, but Dumbledore provided one anyways.

"Because after all this time, you still loved her," he said quietly. "Because you are here, in this place."

"And what is this place?" Severus asked suddenly. "Some kind of hell? A limbo?"

"I think the latter is more suitable."

Severus rubbed at his eyes again. More than anything he felt like an ignorant child. It was taking all he had to keep from falling to pieces. With a great effort, he turned away from the house and focused on Dumbledore. "Why are you here?"

"Because you have just died, due to my mistakes."

"What mistakes?"

"I've made a lot of them Severus, and having you responsible for my execution-"

"You had no choice!" Severus cried, surprised by his need to defend him. "You couldn't, we couldn't let Draco take that burden."

"Yet I am still sorry the burden fell on you," Dumbledore apologized. He talked as if it was he who ordered the snake to attack him. "You have suffered so much Severus, and I was forced to make you suffer more. Can you forgive me?"

Severus once again observed him as if there was some trick in his words. He couldn't detect any. He was honestly looking for forgiveness for putting him through so much; for bestowing upon him the task of pretending to be devoted to Voldemort and being forced to stand aside as he did his dark biddings. Severus had cast aside his emotions in order to play the part. There were times when it was difficult, but for the most part it had always been easy to be cold and indifferent. It was his personality after all. If there was anything Dumbledore should regret, Severus felt, it was the lack of information passed between them. Having to trust Dumbledore blindly about what he was doing with Potter. In all those years, Severus never admitted it, but he had come to see Dumbledore as the fatherly figure he never had. He didn't mind if Dumbledore knew about his feelings for Lily, but he would never let him know that much.

Severus released a sigh and his breath caught the air. "There's nothing to forgive Headmaster," he said slowly. "I, I forgive you. For everything."

"Thank you Severus. You'll never know how much your death has pained me. Murdered for a wand, for power. But you have not died in vain. You were able to give Harry a crucial bit of information before your demise."

"Yes," said Severus bitterly. "And now he'll know the truth, about everything. About his mother, and me."

"Is that so bad Severus?" asked Dumbledore kindly. "I've kept your secret for this long, and since you are no longer there holding it don't you feel a great weight has been lifted?"

"I don't know what I feel," Severus grumbled as his eyes fell to the snowy ground. "All I know is I never wanted Potter to find out."

"Why? Because he'll think differently of you?" he said, smiling. "Was it so much better for him to hate you than to admire you?"

At that Severus gave a weak laugh. "He admires me now I'm sure. But he was so much like James, I couldn't stand it."

"So you in turn couldn't stand him," Dumbledore reasoned. "I've failed to realize how long a school boy rival can last."

"He was also so much like Lily," Severus added. "With his eyes. There were times when he looked at me, it was like she was looking at me...loathing me for what I had done." Now the emotion was forming because of his old student. "I was supposed to keep him safe for her."

"And you've done extraordinary."

"I'm not so sure," he said quietly.

"Well, I believe you can take that matter up with Lily."

Severus's eyes instantly shot to Dumbledore's. "What? You mean to tell me...Lily's, here?"

Dumbledore twiddled his fingers before answering. "Lily, I believe, has always been with James."

It was a crushing thing to say. Severus wouldn't admit it aloud, but his heart had torn in two. Severus turned away and gripped the broken fence post to the Potter house. "But that's not to say she wouldn't come to visit an old friend," Dumbledore continued. Severus's first response was to shut his eyes and shake with fear.

"I don't think,..I don't think, I can take seeing her again," he choked. "Not after, what I've done."

"I think you could, Severus," Dumbledore argued. "You don't give yourself enough credit."

But Severus didn't want to talk about Lily anymore. He wanted to talk about the situation.

"So what of Potter? What must he do to end it?" he forced himself to ask. He felt Dumbledore squeezing his shoulder.

"It is like we have discussed before. He must die. In all the time he had been in hiding, Harry has been collecting Horcruxes."

"Horcruxes," Severus repeated bitterly.

"Yes, Horcruxes. Meant to expand Voldemort's life. But have no fear, I do believe in Harry. They all must believe in him."

Severus was quiet for a moment. Then he opened his eyes and looked around.

"What about me? I still don't understand this place."  
"I'm afraid I can not help you with that much Severus," Dumbledore apologized. "I am invading your space which you unconsciously created out of your guilt."

"So there is no heaven for me," Severus decided in defeat. "Only a limbo. An eternity of staring at my greatest mistake." He cast his eyes solemnly to the house.

"Ah, you may be surprised Severus," Dumbledore said happily. "If you wish to leave this place, you will simply have to let go of your past mistakes. And, I think, the best way for you to do that is to ask forgiveness."

"Forgiveness from who Dumbledore?" he asked impatiently.

"From Mr. Harry Potter and Lily Potter."

Severus didn't move. He was staring at Dumbledore coldly. "Lily is one thing, but in case you haven't noticed, her son is still alive. Unless-"

"I believe the moment of his death from Voldemort's hand, will be your opportunity to seek his forgiveness. But only if he wished to come to you."

Severus smirked as if it was the most absurd thing he'd ever said. "Potter has never had a desire to see me. What makes you think he'll change his mind now?"

"Because he is about to see your memories Severus." Dumbledore paused to watch the color leave his shocked face. "He is about to learn what kind of a man you truly are." With that, Dumbledore turned away from him and started for the direction in which he came. Severus wasn't ready for him to leave, but he couldn't think of any reason to keep him here, except that he didn't want to be alone in Godric's Hollow.

"Where are you going?" he demanded.

Dumbledore stopped, then turned and smiled at him. "Where I've been all along. Where you are clearly not ready to go yet."

"But...I don't want to, how do I leave this place?" he asked desperately. "What do I do?" He had never felt so lost before, not even when he was choosing sides. Dumbledore didn't become concerned for him. He continued to remain calm.

"I believe you will figure that out on your own."

"Then what was the point of you coming here? To tell me I'm dead? Trapped in a world between heaven and hell?"

Dumbledore observed the unstable man for a minute before addressing him again. "I simply wished to see you, and to tell you that I was sorry. I know it may be difficult for you to understand. It was for me at first, but then I was greeted by loved ones."

Severus shuddered at this bit of information. Loved ones meant people who cared about him, and the only person who ever truly cared about him was Lily; or so he thought. As much as he would have wanted to consider his mother, he couldn't. She had had far too many fall outs with his father that she barely looked his way after a while. Severus was alone. He didn't want to be alone, but he had to embrace it, just as he had all the years he'd been living.

"I care about you, Severus," said Dumbledore as if he had been reading his mind. For all Severus knew, in this place, he could.

"You're the only one," Severus muttered quietly.

"I don't think that's true," Dumbledore countered. "You'll see for yourself soon enough."

He walked away, leaving Severus clinging to the broken fence post. Severus wanted to shout after him. To say he was sorry or to demand that he stay and explain more, but he didn't see any point in it. He didn't know what else could be said. Dumbledore was walking away, and soon he was an unknown shape disappearing into the darkness beyond. Severus turned and looked back at the house. Part of him was curious to enter it, but another part of him was screaming at him to turn away. Severus did just that. He let go of the post to the house and stumbled a few feet away from the Potter's house. The air got colder, forcing Severus to wrap his arms around himself. The snow continued to fall as if it were part of a normal snowy night. Severus glanced up at it, briefly wondering if he could make it stop of his own free will, however, he didn't try to. The coldness and the darkness surrounding him were, he soon realized, his inner feelings reflected back at him. He understood this when several lily flowers suddenly popped up from the ground, outlining a path into the forest ahead. Severus took one last look at the Potter's damaged house and tried to muster up the words he wanted to say, but he was reminded that she wasn't the only person who had lived in that house. She had had a husband, and a son.

Severus turned away from it and instead followed the path to the forest with lilies growing on either side of him.

**Once again, this was inspired by the scene where Harry encountered Dumbledore after getting the killing curse. I just imagined Snape may have a similar experience, only he was dead for real. I didn't find it so hard to write his character. A lot of people tend to get it wrong, but I hope I was spot on. Keep an eye out for repetitive feelings or actions as the story progresses. Every little thing is connected. I appreciate the reviews and will get right on to the next chapter real soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Hope you enjoyed the deepness of the last chapter. On to the next!**

The Potions' Master Returns

The forest was darker than an ordinary forest ought to be. Severus quickly understood why. He had crossed over into the Forbidden Forest even though he knew Godric's Hollow was no where near it. The thing that was near it was Hogwarts. As that thought came to mind, the ancient castle came into view. Lights shone from its many towers. Its spires rose to the twinkling starry sky. It wasn't snowing here. It wasn't cold. There was a comfortable warmth. Severus relaxed and allowed his arms to drop. He knew why it was much nicer here than the Godric's Hollow scene. For him, as it was for many others, Hogwarts was his home. It was a place of safety, away from the vicious shouting at home. Though he had to admit that it hadn't always been pleasant, he was still pleased to see it as a part of his limbo. But he was determined to curse it if it was the Hogwarts of his youth. He wasn't sure he could stand it if he found James Potter running around inside. That thought kept him at bay at the edge of the forest. Suddenly the castle wasn't looking so warm. And as his fear of it started to rise, a cold wind swept over him. Severus looked all around as a strange howling came to his ears. With a sudden jolt of fear, he realized it sounded an awful lot like a werewolf. That was the last thing he needed, to be attacked by a monster, but he couldn't be certain that it would be real, or that it really was a werewolf in the first place. With the change of the weather, he had come to understand how much his own feelings affected his current location. If he kept his concerns about the castle at bay, perhaps the cold wind would stop and the howling would cease.

He turned back to the castle again. If it was the Hogwarts of his youth, then the howling could have well belonged to Remus Lupin, scurrying about with his buddies in the darkness. But several things contradicted that possibility. For as far as he knew, Remus Lupin was still on earth. He couldn't be here, and neither could his Gryffindor buddies, unless they were simply fabrications of his mind. He hadn't seen any people in Godric's Hollow, but something had turned on the lights of the houses. Maybe there really were people around, out of sight. Other limbo lost people like himself, come to gather in his space. He found it unlikely. It seemed more fitting that everything was apart of his mind, and the best way to find out was to brave the steps across school grounds.

Severus stepped out of the forest and stood in the open, eyes closed and willing himself to be positive about the Hogwarts before him. Willing himself to imagine that it was the Hogwarts where _he _was in charge; where he was a professor able to take away points from misbehaving Gryffindors instead of receiving their misbehaving actions.

The howling stopped just as the air was becoming warm. Severus glanced up at the starry sky, then slowly he continued on his way up to the doors of the castle.

He opened it.

Inside it was very warm and cozy, like it had always been. There were no students. No, there was something much more haunting. There were the sounds of excited students, old and new, laughing and scurrying about. He looked all around as he started up the stairs toward the Great Hall. They were only echoes. There was no sign of real students making the noise; none that were ghost or fabrications. Severus smirked as he listened to them. Normally he'd use the exuberance of students from anyone but his House to enforce his power; find reasons to deduct points or give punishments. But now he no longer felt that thrill. Whether the sounds were of students from his youth or not, he did not know. He didn't care. The sounds were filling him with warmth. They made Hogwarts more homey and safe. It had been hard to feel that after he had worked here as a professor; skulking around the castle with a scowl. It usually knocked the comfort out of students who came across him. One student it always took away from was Potter. At another reminder of the boy, his smirk fell slightly. He could almost see him, strutting about with a smile on his face. Then Severus saw him turn to himself and the smile fade away. Dumbledore believed Potter would come to him. He said it was a possibility, yet Severus could tell he firmly believed it. But Severus knew he was wrong. Potter would never come. In his mind's eyes, Potter looked at him with distaste. Severus shook his head at the funny reminder of Potter's dark looks, and his smirk returned. He wasn't sure if he was going to miss it or not. Either way, he knew he would never see him again, so he couldn't ask forgiveness. But what was there to ask for? He wasn't sure he knew, but either way, he said what he felt he should say if he had gotten the chance to see him again.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. But they felt like hollow words.

When he reached the Great Hall, he threw open the doors. The four tables were there like before, but no students were around. The staff table was up at the front, but there was no Dumbledore seated in the middle. It was empty, yet there was the sound of clinking plates and drinks being slurped. Severus didn't stay long. He quickly turned and left the area. He moved toward the changing staircases. They moved like they always did. On the walls, there were portraits. Severus took a step closer to inspect them and immediately felt disturbed. There were people in the portraits, however none of them were moving. They were as still as a muggle's picture. It was unnerving to see them in that way. Even the fat lady was frozen in a gentle look of greeting.

Severus hurried down the stairs, making his way to his most comfortable refuge-the dungeons.

As he took the path leading to his old potion's classroom, he briefly wondered how much different this Hogwarts was from the real one. Were there owls to deliver posts? He thought it most unlikely. Where could one send posts in this place? Was Fluffy the three headed dog still below? If he was, he was sure it was a good sign of hell.

Whether such things were there or not, it no longer mattered. The only thing that did matter was his classroom.

When he approached the door, he was surprised to realize what a welcomed sight the dungeons were. Normally it was a proper place to be, but at the same time it was a headache due to the students that filled it with him on a daily basis. All except the Slytherins. He always welcomed them, but every other house, particularly the Gryffindors, he was hardly pleased to deal with. Nonetheless he entered it and as soon as he did, the sounds of laughing, running students stopped instantly. It was all quiet. Severus didn't care. He only cared if everything was the way it was like the real dungeons. Everything was in its proper place: shelves of various ingredients and potions, tables set and awaiting classmates, empty black cauldrons stacked nearby, the board for instructions few seemed to be able to follow, and his desk where he observed them closely. Laid out on his desk were parchments with writing. Curious, he stepped over to examine them to see if they were simply notes of his own doing or instructions on what to do next. He prayed it was the latter.

It wasn't. They were old notes of his own hand, from when he had been alive. Severus sorted through them bitterly. Nothing to tell him of the best way to leave his limbo. Nothing that served as a clue. It was just as well. But then his hand had pushed aside one of the parchments to reveal an old letter. He recognized it immediately as the letter he had found in Grimmauld Place. The one _she_ had written to Sirius Black. Severus pulled it out and couldn't help reading it again.

When he had finished, he was disappointed to see part of the letter torn away. It was the part he himself had torn off and kept. The part he cherished. In a slight panic, he threw aside other letters and parchment to find it. To find the piece with the writing _'Lots of Love, Lily'._ The slight panic was turning into desperation. He needed the piece with her love on it. He needed it to make it through, otherwise, he was sure he'd remain trapped here.

But he didn't find it. It was back on earth, probably still in his desk drawer.

What he did find was the torn part of the picture that came with it. But not the part he wanted. It was the part containing James Potter...and their son. The part he had torn off long ago was also gone. The part with Lily. In frustration and anger, Severus took the picture and made to tear it to pieces. His fingers were at the ready to do so, but he didn't. He couldn't. He looked down at the photo again. He was the man Lily had chosen. He was the man Lily had loved, not him. And because of her love for him, they'd had Harry Potter, the boy who was supposed to defeat the Dark Lord. A powerful child with powers the Dark Lord knew nothing of.

But...if it had been him instead of James, would they have had the same child who would be strong enough to defeat the darkest wizard of all time? Or would he have grown up to be dark himself? Severus had always had a dark side. If he had married Lily and they had had a child, he was sure he'd have inherited his dark side. He most likely would have ended up in Slytherin. But would he have been as kind as he was, being Lily's son? _'He would have been my son too,_' he thought to himself. But how much of himself would his own child have inherited? As James' son, he inherited his looks, but had his mother's eyes. He had told Potter that before he died. But what else did he get from Lily? Her kindness. James hadn't exhibited it during his school days, but if Lily was willing to take him for a husband, then it must have meant he had a change of heart. He had inherited his father's courage and perhaps other good traits he wasn't aware James possessed. But what good traits did he have? Very little came to mind.

So as a result of an alternate future, his son, he believed would have most likely broken his mother's heart as opposed to making her proud. He might have sported a tattoo as he joined up with the Death Eaters.

Without fully being aware of it, tears had fallen onto the picture. The last time he looked at it, he didn't so much as glance at Harry or his father. He had concentrated on Lily. This time he didn't. He was looking at James. Looking at all the traits he didn't possess in order to have Lily. The good, brave man Lily deserved. The one who stayed in the light like her, unlike himself. For once he wanted to say something kind to him, much to his amazement, but no words came. Maybe it was this place, forcing him to feel things he had refused to feel on earth, but his own stubbornness and character prevented the full effect. If James was somehow watching him, he hoped he could understand without him saying a word.

He turned to Harry next. So young, and far too innocent to be wrapped up the darkness that would soon surround his life. Severus had learned what he would become, but he had always insisted he was too much like his father; the bad side of his father. But he had died knowing it wasn't true, and what had he said to him before that?

"You have your mother's eyes," he repeated quietly. He did, but he had much more than that. Why had it taken him so long to see it? Why had he always bothered to compare him with his parents? He wouldn't see him as just Harry, a special student who may have never liked attention. He was a problem child. He liked that image best, but at the same time, he liked him as Lily.

"No," he whispered. Lily wasn't there. Instead, it was just Harry Potter. He was all that was left of the Potter family. If he had it to do again, he wouldn't have ripped away the part of the picture with Lily. It was like an action come true, separating her from her family. They deserved to be intact. She was with James, he had to accept that. And Harry was their child. It was strange, but suddenly he had the feeling of ripping out Harry's part in the picture and pocketing that piece. Why, he did not know.

As Severus made to lay it down, he heard movement behind him. He wheeled around and was shocked to see who was standing in the doorway.

It was the young boy from the torn picture, the seventeen year old version of him. He wasn't smiling, nor scowling as he stared at his old professor. He was simply looking like he was waiting for important news. Probably the look he gave Dumbledore whenever he was explaining something complicated to him about his mission. But his eyes, they were a mix of sorrow and determination.

Severus didn't break eye contact as he set the torn photo down on the desk. Slowly he straightened himself up and turned to face him.

"He said you would come," he drawled quietly.

"Who?" asked Harry, quirking an eyebrow.

"Dumbledore of course," Severus answered slowly. "He was right."

Harry bowed his head. "He was right about a lot of things...about you." Harry was studying his face now, looking to see if he could see him the way Dumbledore did. If he had not watched him die, or more importantly if he had not dived into his memories, he would never have understood. But now it was the aftermath of that, and he knew the truth. Though Severus was standing before him in his usual threatening way, he was able to see something odd about it. He didn't stand like the strong, bat-like professor he knew. If anything, he seemed hollow and weak. A clearer sign of his changed demeanor was the tear stains on his cheeks.

"I'm not so sure," Severus muttered quietly as he turned away, but Harry heard him. Not knowing what else to do, Harry stepped further into the classroom. Severus turned back to him when he heard Harry moving around vials and ingredients for examination. He found it slightly fascinating that Harry was able to interact with the objects of his mind. He had a good mind to tell him not to touch anything, but at the moment he found it comforting that a student was present in this place, especially when it was Potter. But that left the question of how he was able to come here in the first place.

"Tell me Mr. Potter, how did you manage to find me here?"

Harry frowned slightly at the tone he used, but shrugged it off. "I don't know really. I just finished talking to Dumbledore and he-"

"Sent you here?"

"No. I just, I felt like coming to see you sir. I'm not really sure how I wound up in the place with Dumbledore, but when I thought about...I found myself in the Forbidden Forest." He said it with such determination, but slight uncertainty. Severus knew he was waiting for his reaction. _'Well done Dumbledore',_ he thought with some amusement. He had been right about Harry wanting to see him.; coming to see if he was the same man he'd seen his mother with. The talk that was sure to come.

"I was at King's Cross station when I met with Dumbledore," Harry further explained. "If I had thought about where he'd end up, I would of thought, here."

"Disappointed?" Severus sneered.

"No," he said seriously. The look on his face told Severus he understood why he imagined Hogwarts. "If it were me, I'd imagine being here."

Severus didn't like the idea of him comparing himself with him. "What do you know about this place?" he challenged.

"Nothing sir. I had asked Dumbledore if what we experienced was all in my head. I don't believe it was, and neither is this."

"Well congratulations Mr. Potter, you managed to lose yourself in my limbo."

"But I'm not lost sir. I'm not really dead, but I am really here."

He knew it shouldn't have come as a surprise, but that's exactly how it came. To absorb the knowledge that Potter had been brave enough to embrace death, to literally walk into it without defense was astonishing to hear. But he had done it, and it was done by the Dark Lord's hand, unless Potter had been foolish enough to let one of his Death Eaters murder him for real.

"Tell me Mr. Potter, are you really here in the way that you think? Did the Dark Lord murder you, or were you killed in the fight by another's wand?"

"I told you I'm not really dead sir," Harry repeated.

"But the Dark Lord...?" he asked as he trailed off.

The memory was too strong for Harry to think on. All he could do was nod in response. Severus allowed the truth to sink in before responding.

"So, you've done it," he said as his throat tightened. It was hard to believe it was possible. That Potter could be brave enough to do it...that he could be killed again and yet survive.

"Yes sir."

"Or have you?" he asked as doubt started to sink in.

"Sir?" asked Harry, confused. He felt slightly alarmed to see his demeanor shift again to where he looked even more defeated.

"Is it true? Or is it just a another trick, like this place I'm stuck in?" Severus asked in a frightened voice. He hated that he was becoming terrified in front of his old student. Scared to ask such a question of him, but he had to know. "Are you real? Or are you a fabrication of my mind?"

Harry looked down at his hand as if to check, then he smirked at him. "Yes professor, I'm real. I'm not a fabrication. The only thing that was, was you."

Severus sneered and turned away to the desk. He did not want to have this kind of discussion with him. He had been under the impression that he would never see him again, otherwise there was a small chance he would have shared his memories. Then again, the drops of his thoughts were vital to the boy's survival.

"I saw everything sir. The plans you made with Dumbledore. I heard everything he told you to do. I heard him tell you to kill him." Harry paused as he heard Severus choke. It also gave him time to collect himself; to completely get rid of the anger he had felt toward the man for murdering the greatest wizard he had ever known. "I saw the way you, helped me in secret. And there were other things too. Your school days at Hogwarts-"

"I am completely aware of what sort of memories I gave you, so you can stop listing what you saw!" He wanted it to sound harsh, but his words carried his obvious pain. He could almost see those memories now, so vivid. Harry stopped for his sake, but he had one last memory to confront him with. One that was, at the moment, almost more important than the one about Dumbledore asking Severus to betray him.

"Why didn't you tell me sir?"

"Tell you what Potter," he snapped as the pain started to absorb him. He had under estimated how much of a reminder he was of his mother.

"Why didn't you tell me about you and my mother?" Severus closed his eyes briefly as Harry continued. "If you couldn't tell me about what you were doing for Dumbledore, why didn't you at least tell me that you and her were friends?"

It took all of Severus's nerve not to shout at him. "What business of it was yours? What did it matter?"

It may have seemed like meager information, a little tidbit of the past, but to Harry, after all he'd been through, it mattered more than he could ever know. Harry wasn't about to back down now.

"Why didn't you tell me, that you loved her?"

Severus turned on him, anger lining his face along with tears. He wiped them away as if he could stop Potter from seeing them, but of course he couldn't help notice. He stared into his fierce eyes and Severus was yet again reminded of what he'd said to him about his eyes. The weight of it was pulling him down.

"It was none of your concern!" he challenged in a voice lacking much power. "It had nothing to do with you."

"It had loads to do with me!" And for the first time since their reunion Harry was shouting back at him, like old times. He was unaware of stepping forward as his said it. Unaware that his fists were balled and shaking at his sides as he felt the frustration Severus often made him feel. "She was my mother!"

"I couldn't!"

The answer had come at last, with Severus shaking not with anger, but with deep regret. He turned away from Harry and leaned against his desk. The photograph was held tightly in his white hand.

"I couldn't," he repeated in a whisper.

Severus didn't bother to brush away the raining teardrops. The most he could do was cover his face with one shaky hand. Harry didn't need to press. He could feel his regrets, his great pain, and that powerful love he had and continued to have for his mother. Had his professor confessed such a thing long ago in his youth, Harry would have thought he was mad, or was making a cruel joke about his family. But now, Harry couldn't help feeling touched. Harry had always thought the worst of him and it was unfair. Dark and cold were the perfect descriptions of the man, but Harry couldn't help feeling there was something beautiful about a man like that feeling such love for another. That was especially when that man seemed incapable of love in the first place.

Harry had no inclination to defend his father's rightful place by Lily Evan's side. He could, however, express the belief that he was deserving of his mother's love despite the things he'd done in the past.

Severus didn't hear Harry ever so slowly approach him. He barely registered the hand laid against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, professor."

After a minute, Severus dropped his hand slowly and turned to him.

"Potter. Your mother was the most kind-hearted person I'd ever met. There was no point to explain to you how I felt about her."

It felt like the hardest thing he ever had to say to the boy. What would be harder still was admitting he was a good soul, just like Dumbledore had believed. Something he felt he shouldn't keep secret. "We both know how it ended."

There had been no happy fairy tale ending for him. Lily chose James, and the feeling was raw and agonizing now. And now that Potter was here, he wondered if he ever really deserved her friendship at all. If she were still alive, their bonds would have been permanently broken when she learned how he had treated her son.

"Professor?"

Harry had asked it so quietly and so desperately that Severus was afraid to look into his eyes. He knew he might have been a sight of laughter to him. The strong-willed, emotionless potions master's face was stained with grief. It was absurd. But Harry wasn't finding his emotional breakdown humorous. He was gazing at him with pity. Severus looked closer and recognized the look as being that of Lily's whenever he'd tried to hide what happened on a particularly bad day. It was sorrow. An honest sorrow of what he'd had to go through.

"I'm sorry."

When Harry said it this time, it was different. He was apologizing for what he'd thought of him, but mainly, he was expressing his condolences for all his quiet sufferings. It was like the slate had been wiped clean. There was no need for them to discuss what kind of man he'd truly been. Harry had seen it, and he'd heard that Severus wanted it kept secret; therefore Harry wouldn't bring it up. In Severus's mind, the apology was expressing it.

The room wasn't as cold as it was before, and the weight of pain was lifted some. He straightened up as he felt some power return to him. Once Harry saw he'd gotten a hold of himself, he walked away. There was nothing more to be said. Of course they could have found a hundred things to talk about now that they were on better terms, but Harry couldn't stay forever. He had a life to get back to. A damaged one that needed to be pieced back together. The warm feeling, Severus realized, was connected through Harry. He was realizing the warmness was leaving as he made to depart. Loneliness started to take over, and Severus wasn't so sure he wanted to be alone again. He found he didn't want to be parted from a student he always considered as lazy and arrogant.

"Potter, wait!" Harry had made it to the door when he cried out. He turned and waited patiently for Severus to speak, as if he wasn't in a hurry to leave the dungeons like he normally was.

But Severus found his thoughts strangely muddled. He couldn't figure out how to say what he felt he should. That he too was sorry. It was like a soundless voice from Lily was urging him to say it. It made him all the more fearful of the next person he'd meet after Potter. But this was his chance, his only chance. After he walked out that door, Harry was no longer his. He'd never really been, and their bonds had been somewhat severed after the night he killed Dumbledore. Still, he made the effort to say something.

"Your mother would have been proud of you, as would your father." Severus had managed to smirk at him, but it wasn't in the fashion of being cruel. It served as a near smile. Harry didn't stir in shock at his words. He was taking them in with great appreciation. His appearance changed in his mind's eye. Severus was now able to see him as Dumbledore always had.

"I too must admit, that I am impressed with your, talents."

It was a compliment he could have said years ago. One that didn't involve his mediocre skills in potion's making. He had lasted this long in facing the Dark Lord and in-between those crossings, he had achieved the extraordinary. Severus didn't question his ability to take down the darkest wizard of all time. He was staring at his previous master's downfall.

Severus couldn't say he was sorry in the way he had treated Harry all those years. He felt, if anything, there should be some gratitude from Harry for him training him up to face wizards like himself. Aside from learning potions and charms, he had to learn to deal with wizards that may not be as kind or as forgiving as Dumbledore. If there was anything he should apologize for, it was for hating him for taking on the impressions of James Potter. Harry had no control over it, and neither did he. Still Severus didn't make the effort to say those words. There was an understanding between them and it was due to the sort of person he had become. The sort he was starting to hate, but had to move past.

Harry gave a nod. "Thank you professor. Thank you for, everything." He turned and made to leave out the door and Severus turned back to the desk. His focus shifted back to the photo.

"Sir?"

Severus didn't look up when Harry called to him.

"I know what kind of man you are, and my mother knows it too. I don't have any doubt that she won't forgive you for what you've done. I forgive you."

There is was, Potter's forgiveness. He hadn't expected to get it, but he had. He had cringed when Harry all but told him that he knew he was a good man. Why had he hated for someone else to see it? Why did he feel it would kill him if Harry had ever known? He knew now, and there was a great release of relief. It was as if Harry was telling him he no longer had to pretend to be the villain. But the second part of what he said struck his nerves even harder. He hoped it was so. He hoped Lily would forgive him for what he did. The only question was would he ever get the chance to know?

"Goodbye professor."

Severus didn't turn to watch him leave as he had with Dumbledore, nor had he said goodbye. He stayed still and concentrated on the feeling of warmness leaving with his old student. When the coldness returned, he knew Harry was gone. Severus raised the photo close to his face and stared at the young boy.

"I wonder, was I a good professor as well?" He whispered it to himself, even though he'd said it like he was asking it of the class.

Harry now knew what kind of man he was, but he hadn't before. He wondered how well he had been able to teach him the art of potion making. He was sure he didn't use that knowledge during his journey. Charms and techniques in the Dark Arts were more handy for the wizarding world's action hero. Perhaps he hadn't made much of an impression at all on him and the others when it came to teaching. But just as a man, he'd had an impact, both negative and positive. Maybe there was some hope to leaving his limbo.

Severus pulled away from the desk and made to pocket the photo, but paused and laid it back down where it was. That photo was part of a past that he had no real part of. Harry was his past now and so was Hogwarts.

Severus took one last look around before turning and leaving the dungeons behind. He swept from the room with his robes billowing like they once had long ago.

**I'm happy with the reviews I got, and I'm eager for more. Snape's questions may seem limited, but here he's choosing what he should ask the most. And the character he is in life has been somewhat lifeless, so he's slightly lifeless here; however the limbo is affecting his feelings. Now their conversation could have gone on, but Harry has a battle to get to. It's more about Snape's feelings as opposed to how many questions and answers are said in the conversations. So here, Snape let's go of his past life. This is a short fic so there's two more chapters to go!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Hey guys! You can thank sirius-lives12 for the inclusion of this chapter and the next ones, because I had not planned on including the people you will see in this chapter and the next ones. There was originally going to be three people Snape met up with, but this other idea from sirius-lives12 intrigued me, and I found a way to mesh it with another aspect of Snape's feelings. So the first chapter was an intro on what he must do. The next, Snape had to let go of the current past; ( I say current in meaning he must move past the present ). This is so turning into that book "The Five People you Meet in Heaven" Oh well.**

Snivellus No More

When Severus was a good ways away from the castle, he felt the warm air quickly shift to coldness. He wrapped his arms around himself and braved the harsh weather as he marched on. He had no idea where he was going. He simply walked. The lush green trees that had kept him company where thinning out to black dead ones. Without his realizing it, the land had become hard and gray; no longer soft and green like the Hogwarts' grounds. For the most part he kept his head down as the atmosphere's darkness intensified, and suddenly he found his old feelings of bitterness coming through him. He stopped and closed his eyes. All the warm feelings he had exhibited in the castle were fading away and leaving nothing behind but hollowness. When he opened his eyes again, he saw a black and green sky and something else that showed proof of where he was meant to be. A symbol of the hell he deserved.

He had come to the edge of a gray shoreline, and in the distance, standing in the middle of the crashing dark waves was the wizard prison Azkaban. Severus had an unpleasant intake of breath. It was the most feared place on earth, but he had never fully feared it after Dumbledore took him in as a professor. He was spared from the torture of it due to the old man taking pity on him.

Severus shivered as he looked up at its dark walls. Whether or not there were real dementors within, he could already feel despair seeping into his soul. It was unbearable now that he was only a soul, with no body to shelter his essence. He staggered back and fell on the harsh earth.

"No," he whispered in a hoarse voice. "No!"

He did not want this to be it. He did not want to go there. It wasn't fair. Potter had forgiven him! He had forgiven his actions toward him and his family! Was he being punished after all for the death of Dumbledore? For the betrayal of...Lily? Or maybe it was a combination of the two, including his allegiance to the Dark Lord. Perhaps in this afterlife, no matter whether a soul was forgiven, all Death Eaters ended up here just as they would in life.

"No, no no!" Severus was a broken record of "no's" as he crawled backwards away from it, eyes wide in terror. Though he felt he deserved punishment, he did not expect for it to be in this way. But it was the ultimate form of hell. A cold wind started up, and with it came rain and thunder. It was like the thunder was a form of confirmation. A scream that cried "_YES SEVERUS! THIS IS WHERE YOU WILL SPEND ETERNITY!"_

"No, no, please! I'm sorry!" he cried as he scrambled to his feet. He didn't know if he could commune with his limbo or some other supernatural force responsible for this world, but he would beg for mercy. "Please...I'm sorry...sorry...Lily, I'm sorry."

Potter had been wrong. Lily would not forgive him. For if she had, he would not be here, facing a non-life sentence in a prison designed to end all happiness and hope. He had not thought of running. Where was there to go if this was to be his refuge? The truth, the horrible truth had sunk in. Severus stood frozen, shaking, as he stared at his hellish future.

Suddenly he found himself flying into the air and turned upside-down. His robes fell over him as he struggled in mid-air. He could not feel anything holding his feet, yet he dangled like he was caught in some kind of snare. No, it was more like a spell, a horrible spell that had been from one of his worst memories during his schooldays. He wasn't so sure if it was the limbo's idea of a cruel joke, or the manner in which he would be taken to Azkaban. He looked all around for some kind of help, and then he saw something approach him from the darkness of a thick band of trees. It was an animal, a dog to be more exact. A big black dog that seemed to be grinning at him. Severus stared at him. Was he one of the hounds of hell, or was it possible...that he was someone he never wished to see again?

As the questions swirled around his head, the dog continued to move forward. Then he stopped and gave a slight wag of his tail.

"What's going on?" Severus demanded. "Who are you?"

"_Still the demanding greasy git, eh Snivellus?"_

Severus bared his teeth in rage. Much of the fear had disappeared and was replaced with the hatred he had felt towards the wizard in disguise.

"Black," he groaned as he struggled worse than ever.

The dog barked, then he began to morph into the man he remembered. The man he had last seen in his mother's house, having a nice cozy time. Severus recalled a time before then when he had cornered him with his wand pointed at his heart. He would have gotten his revenge on Black, had Potter not interfered. Strangely enough, the thought of the boy brought his anger down. He briefly assumed it was due to the fact that he and the boy had made amends. He no longer desired to attack Black, or rage and curse. He let himself fall limp in the air. Maybe Black torturing him was for the best after all. It was certainly better than being trapped in the prison, or so he thought. Maybe in this world, Black was the executioner, allowed to torture his kind. He had been wrongfully sentenced, but Severus had refused to acknowledge that. He just wanted him to suffer.

He couldn't take anymore suffering, nor could he now wish suffering upon anyone else. Calmness started to settle in, which was mixed with a hint of fear. It didn't matter what he thought of Black, it was in the past.

Severus saw the ground coming toward him as he was slowly being lowered to the ground. He lay face down for a moment, trying to catch his breath even though it was unnecessary. When he looked up, Black was towering over him, his face broken into a grin.

"What are you doing here?" Severus whispered coldly. Though he wasn't exactly feeling hatred, he was feeling annoyance at his smile.

"The same as you," he answered simply. "Enjoying death."

Severus sneered at him. "I doubt there's anything to enjoy about death, Black."

"It's Sirius," he corrected. "And you're right. At the moment there's nothing to enjoy. Not with Azkaban towering over us."

Severus glanced back at the prison. The thunder was slowing down, as was the rain. Slowly he raised himself up to a sitting position. He had hoped his newfound calmness would erase the structure from his limbo, but upon seeing Black, he wasn't so sure if this part of the world belonged to him.

"What is this place? Your personal eternity?" Severus asked him. There was a hint of satisfaction when he said it. "And I thought you were innocent."

Sirius was silent as he gave Severus a cold stare. "Just because I spent most of my life in Azkaban doesn't mean I belong here after death. Nor do I consider it home away from home. And for your information I _was _innocent, and still am."

"I find that hard to believe, after that stunt," Severus growled as he got to his feet.

Sirius broke out in a laugh that was like a bark. "There's nothing up here that says I can't have fun every once in a while."

Severus scowled and moved away to sit on a log. If he had to list off the people he'd encounter, considering he'd met Dumbledore and Potter, Black would have never made it on the list. He turned to him now, taking in his appearance. He was far from the haunted, ragged man he had seen on earth, made so from the wasted years spent in Azkaban. If anything, he was a youthful picture of health. Regardless of being clean and unmarked, Severus felt he himself looked no where near as good. Severus glanced into his gray eyes briefly then turned away.

"So what is this place, if it's not your eternity?"

When he didn't answer straight off, Severus looked back around. Black was scratching his head and frowning as if the answer were difficult to find.

"I would gather, it's something of your creation-"

"What?"

"As well as mine's. I've been marked for going to Azkaban." Black pulled down his robes and made to show his prison tattoos, but there were none to see. Severus briefly looked down as his covered arm where his own dark tattoo was placed, but he didn't raise the sleeve for show. "It's something I had to let go of, before moving on." He wasn't watching Severus, but staring hopelessly at the prison.

Severus looked back at it as well. "How can it be part of my creation? I would never wish to go there."

"But that doesn't mean you never believed you didn't deserve to go there, which is why that guilt has transformed into this dark place. Now, if we were still living, I'd say it was very fitting for you. You were always dark and dreadful."

Severus made to sneer, but he heard the joke in his words.

"I never wanted to admit it in life, but we both had dark pasts."

"You're not going to start comparing yourself to me are you, Black?" asked Severus in slight anger. "Your godson already established a comparison."

"Well isn't it nice not to be the only one," he said with a grin. "I don't suppose my godson ranted at you for the number of times you unfairly took points or gave him detentions?"

"So is that what this is all about?" Severus asked, unimpressed. "My manner of teaching?"

"What does it matter now Snivellus? It's in the past."

"Then why are you here? Surely you did not wish to see me, the way Dumbledore and Potter did."

Sirius looked a little embarrassed.

"Honestly, I would not wish to see you. And this is not about how you treated my godson. Though if it were really up to me, I'd make you pay for that. Probably practice those old time jokes on-"

"Will you get to the point!"

"What's your hurry?" Sirius asked with a sly smile. "It's not like you have anywhere better to go."

"Then why-" Severus paused as Sirius sat down on his log.

"The only reason I'd come to see you is to finally let go of one of my ties to earth."

"What do you mean your ties?" he asked suspiciously. "Forgive me but I was under the impression that the dead were visited by loved ones. Don't tell me you had no one who cared for you Black?"

It was meant to sound as cruel as it would have on earth, but it still came out a bit soft. But Sirius was no longer grinning. He was staring at Severus with a dark expression.

"You know very well that's not true. I had friends. Real friends who cared for me, and not a pack of Death Eaters who'd turn their back on you when they were needed most. People actually liked me."

"People like Mulciber and Avery, even Malfoy were close to me. They were in my house after all!" he shouted.

"Of course they were in your house! They were dark wizards!" Sirius shouted back. "You chose their friendship, but they aren't crying over your death, are they?"

"You didn't know them! You don't know me!" he cried. "You and your band of Gryffindors chose to curse first and ask questions later."

Some of the growing anger ceased in Sirius's face. "You're right, we did often curse first, and it probably won't mean much to you now but I do apologize for it. Aside from not knowing you, as boys, we did feel we knew enough when a person landed in a certain house, especially when that house was Slytherin. But that wasn't an excuse to hook up with wizards like them."

"I thought you implied what's past is past?"

"I did. It's in the past Snivellus, just like that nickname we gave you."

Severus's gaze fell to the ground. "If you want my forgiveness for the hell you put me through in the past, you don't have it."

Sirius smirked. "I didn't expect to get it. It's your choice. It won't affect me, but I can't say it won't affect you. We've both made a lot of bad choices in life, my biggest was not always clinging to the rules. If I had, I'd still be alive."

"You were always so arrogant," said Severus as he too smirked. "At least now you admit you were responsible for your own death. I'm responsible for mine, but at least I followed the rules. You abandoned your godson and allowed him to put the full weight of your death upon his shoulders."

"And it wasn't his fault. It was mine," he said with an air of great sadness. "If I hadn't been so-"

"Idiotic? Careless?" Severus added. "Even though you didn't have Potter next to you, that still wouldn't have changed."

"Well, I know one thing that should have changed while I was alive," he said seriously, "and that was my preconceived opinion of others. That doesn't only include you, but a house elf by the name of Kreacher. Had I, forced myself… to be easier on him, he might not have betrayed me so easily."  
"You figured that out all by yourself did you?"

"Not without some help from my friends," Sirius said with a shake of the head. "I believe the same could go for you."

"What do you mean?"

"Choices. Our choices in how we treat others makes a difference. It leaves something behind, and brings something else forward. You had a choice not to go round with Mulciber and Avery and all the others, but you did so anyways."

"I was in Slytherin!" Severus argued. "What other choice did I have?"

"You had Lily!" Sirius had cried it as if he had uttered an insult about her.

The comment was dark enough to make Severus feel as though a large stone had dropped in the pit of his stomach. It was true. For much of his life, he had been a loner, except when it came to Lily. Severus scrunched his eyes closed as if he was experiencing pain. Sure he'd had his band of future Death Eaters by his side, but they were nothing compared to the friendship with the Gryffindor redhead. She had been a true friend, and he had ruined it. Severus had been alone, and he'd hated it. And his hatred of loneliness became hatred toward most things in life. It was partially his own doing, as well as the doing of others. A good example was James Potter and his bullying gang. They'd put him through hell for many of his Hogwarts' years, and that in turn increased the hatred.

Severus sighed and looked at Sirius. He was surprised to see him looking hurt and concerned.

"I didn't have her for long did I?" Severus challenged. "Her being in Gryffindor. It was a matter of time before she was...before..."

"She was taken, by another Gryffindor?"

Severus wheeled around. He searched his eyes for any sign that he knew his true feeling for Lily Evans. Potter knowing was one thing, but Sirius knowing was out of the question. But Sirius gave no sign that he knew how he'd felt. If anything he probably already knew. He sighed and turned away.

"I wasn't the saint Potter was," he spat. His face softened as he stared at the ground, imagining her image. "But, she was a good friend. I chose to destroy it."

"You also had a choice in sides," Sirius said quietly.

"I chose the wrong one," Severus whispered. A shiver went through his body, and suddenly he was frightened that he might start crying in front of Black. How they reached this point of understand was beyond him. He was surprised he hadn't felt the will to strangle or curse him by now. But like he had said, it was all in the past, along with much of his hatred.

"But then you chose the right one," Sirius countered.

"It was my choice that got me killed, Sirius," he said icily. "I chose Voldemort, and he killed me."

Sirius shrugged and grinned. "Well what were you expecting to get from him? A kind dinner invitation and free passes to a Quidditch match? You side with wizard's like Voldemort, you can say goodbye to a large portion of your life."

Severus scowled at the thought of it. He didn't feel he'd had enough time to reflect on his life the way a wizard might if he simply died slowly on his bed. It had happened so fast. Though it wasn't as quick as the Killing Curse, it did leave him shocked and unable to comprehend what had happened until it was too late. The only thing he had been able to do, was to look at Potter in a whole new light. It was more than enough; for what did he have to reflect upon anyways?

"But we can't fully deny that it didn't do our side some good, can we Severus?" Severus looked up. This time he was smiling kindly at him, like an old friend. "If it weren't for your choice, you never would have been able to protect Harry. If it weren't for you, who knows,...my godson would still be lost, and a lot more innocent lives would have been taken."

Severus wasn't fully sure what to say to that. He simply turned back to Azkaban. When he could look at it no more, he closed his eyes.

"Is this what our meeting is really about? My choices? Or are you here to tell me we'll be spending eternity together?"

"It's never been so much about choices..."

Severus opened his eyes and was startled to see himself surrounded by grimy brick walls. Cobwebs hung from the dark ceiling. He was no longer sitting on a log, but on a filthy cot, turned gray from neglect. There was one window which was barred, much like the door. In a split second Severus realized where he suddenly was as a feeling of despair over came him. He was in Azkaban.

"As it was about hatred," Sirius finished.

Severus jumped, not noticing Sirius was still sitting besides him. He had not become shocked by their sudden change of environment. He simply looked disappointed. Severus hurried to the door and attempted to pull it open. It was locked tight. He faced Sirius and glared at his calm demeanor.

"Open this door!" he demanded.

"I can't do that," Sirius said quietly.

"Open this door right now Black! This is your world-"

"It is our worlds combined."

Severus peeked through the bars. He could see no one, but he did feel the effects of despair taking a stronger hold on him. The coldness was transforming into an unbearable freezing temperature.

"If this is your way of forcing forgiveness from me..."

"I told you I didn't need your forgiveness. You've made it clear that you won't give it to me."

"So, you plan to punish me then," Severus said bitterly. He could feel his knees growing weak. His mind was becoming cloudy with unpleasant thoughts of his childhood and all the dark things he was forced to watch the Dark Lord commit. "You...you can't...I haven't done anything. I don't deserve to be here."

"I'm pleased you see it that way," Sirius said as he rose to his feet. "I kept up that mantra in order to stay sane when I was in here. Knowing when you don't deserve punishment is just as important as knowing when you do."

Strong images of his father slapping his mother came to mind. Severus was unaware that he was sliding to the floor slowly. He saw the hook-nosed man turn to himself, a mere child, and start yelling at him. Though he could not hear his words now, he knew he was cursing him for causing magical things to happen. He saw himself as an older child, already having been to Hogwarts. He felt the smack and hit the floor. His mother wouldn't stop crying. His father never stopped cursing.

In all the time the images had been playing, Severus was moaning, "No...no...no...please...no."

He wanted to feel guilt, at the same time he wanted to feel rage, but he couldn't. Then the images were mixed with his humiliating experiences in school. There were the famous Marauders casting hex after hex upon him, calling him a "greasy git" and expressing the idea that he wasn't good enough for Lily. "Please, no more...no more.." But there was more. He saw Lily storming away, and then he saw Lily dead on the floor. As he watched his adult self rock her limp body in his arms, he found himself hugging his knees and rocking back and forth, tears rolling down his cheeks. Everything was screaming for him to not only hate the situation, but to hate himself. Everything had been so vivid. He wasn't sure if he had actually relived them or if he was simply going mad. He turned when he heard movement and took notice of Sirius whom he'd almost forgotten about. Severus quickly turned away.

"You are a liar Black," he accused angrily. "You planned to torture me after all."

"You are torturing yourself. And as soon as you let go of the hatred you felt, rage for all the dark things that have happened to you, I believe you'll be able to open that door."

"That's your opinion, how do you know I won't stay trapped here forever?" he asked in a whisper.

"Because, I had to do the same thing," Sirius confessed. "And not just here, but in life. If I hadn't held back some of my anger, I might not have been able to escape Azkaban. Of course, I did release it when I met Peter."

"Not only were you famous for your arrogance Black,...but you were also famous for you temper," Severus remarked.

Sirius laughed. "As were you."

Severus lifted his hand to his head. His mind felt clear and was no longer plagued with bad memories. The coldness was gone, as was much of his past hatred. He looked at Sirius questioningly, who looked back at him with a mischievous grin.

"Seems like you've finally learned to listen. You've let go of some of your hate, and now I must let go."

"What are you talking about?"

"I think it's time for me to leave, don't you?"

Severus would have gladly agreed to that several moments ago, but now he wasn't so sure he liked the idea. Dumbledore had left him, Potter had left him, and now Black was about to take his leave as well. He couldn't help wondering if it was really for the best. Sirius cocked his head to the side with a slight grin on his face.

"What's the matter? Missing me already?"

"I could care less where you go, or what you do," Severus said angrily.

Sirius gave a slight nod. "Well then, if you can care less, I think I'll take my leave."

Severus allowed him to take a few steps away from him before he called out. "You really plan to leave me here? This is as much your doing as it is mine! I am guilty of nothing!"  
"Whether you stay or go, that's up to you," Sirius told him. "If I were you, I'd leave this place. You have no idea what's waiting on the other side."

At this, Severus raised his eyebrows suspiciously. He was just getting used to the constant limbo changes. He wasn't at all really thinking about the ever after. In reality, he hadn't really thought about the reason why he was traveling from place to place in this way.

"Provided that you're not going to hell or anything," Sirius added with a hint of laughter in his eyes.

"So what is this? All these different limbo's I'm experiencing? Trials? Tests for my judgment?"

"I suppose you can put it that way," Sirius decided. "But, the trials as you call them really depend on the life you've lived. You're stilled tied to earth and this limbo proves it, as do any limbo worlds following."

"So…there's still more to come," Severus drawled coldly.

Sirius shrugged. "It really depends on you." He stepped onto the cot and peered out the window. His gaze drifted down to the crashing water. "I got to see my godson again. I got to escort him, when he was making that dreadful march to his own death. He had asked if it hurt, death. I told him it was easier than falling asleep."

He paused and glanced around at Severus who was staring at him, wide-eyed.

"Why on earth were you escorting him?" he hissed. "Did you come back as a ghost? You had no right to interfere—"

"He called us," Sirius told him simply. "We were needed then, so we came to assist."

"We?" Severus questioned curiously. But it was clear he wasn't going to explain it further. Sirius placed his hands on the ledge and stared out the window with great determination.

"Traveling through my own limbos, has forced me to see things I missed when I was alive. Whether you want to hear it or not, I am truly sorry for the way I acted toward you."

Sirius didn't look around to see how Severus responded. There was silence following the apology. Severus scowled at him, but it wasn't a harsh scowl. For some reason, he believed he was genuine, but he just couldn't bring himself to accept his words. His encounters with Black had run too dark for him to be willing to accept a changed relationship. Sirius sighed and Severus hung his head.

"It is easier than falling asleep, don't you agree, Severus?"

He looked up and blinked curiously at the man..

"All you have to do is get past the first jump."

Without warning, Sirius had transformed into his canine form. By the time Severus cried out to him, the dog had already leaped between the narrow bars of the window. Severus jumped to his feet and hurried over. He couldn't see much with the bars, but he knew he should have at least seen the ripples from his impact. There were none; there hadn't even been the sound of a splash. Black had simply disappeared, much like he had done in life when no one could figure out how he had gotten away.

Severus was gripping the bars so tightly his knuckles seemed to turn pale. A shiver ran over his back. He could just make out the shoreline where he had Black were momentarily sitting upon a log. Regardless of what he'd said, he felt he'd end up stuck in this prison. That there was still enough hate inside him to keep him from going anywhere. But why did he need to hold onto it? What was past, was past. It wasn't doing him any good at the moment, but that did not encourage him to free himself. If there were more limbos to follow after this one, he needed his hatred. He wanted it. This place kept toying with his feelings and he didn't like it one bit. He hated the idea that his limbo would actually cause him to change so much that he would no longer be able to call himself Severus Snape. Change was suppose to be for the better, but right now, he didn't want to welcome such changes.

He glanced at the door. In this case, a change was needed for him to be able to escape. Slowly he let go of the bars and crossed the room. No longer did it feel cold and depressing. He placed a shaky hand on the handle and shut his eyes. He gave it a slight tug and heard it open. Severus stared at the cracked door with intense fascination, and suddenly Black's words came to him.

"_All you have to do is get past the first jump."_

He would have to. He was dead after all, so what else could he possibly do? Severus took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he made that first step through the door. Whatever was on the other side, he knew, he wasn't quite ready for it. He was just pleased, for once, that he had managed to step out of the darkness…if only for a little while.

**Again, I have to thank sirius-lives12 for bringing this idea about in a review. That shows reviews are important to me!**

**Now it kind of alters the story as it's no longer a four part fanfic, but the story itself is the same. Now what better place for Sev and Sirius to wind up than within sight of Azkaban, considering their pasts. This part in Snape's journey obviously dealt with the hate he had practically worn on his face all his life. Looking back on it now, James could also be a good candidate for expressing this to Snape, but I saved him for another aspect of Snape. The dialogue was a little tricky as it's hard to imagine Sirius and Snape having a calm conversation, especially since Snape is not eager to see him. **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Stay tuned for the next. It looks like I'm on a trend of updating on Thursdays.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Thanks for the reviews guys. Now onto the next limbo!**

Fame Isn't Everything

The door opened to a dark tunnel with a bright light at the very end. It was a peculiar feeling to know that the old saying about the light at the end of the tunnel was true he could. Severus had never thought about where it came from, and now he was curious as how anyone knew about it. Of course assume that ghosts, like those of Hogwarts, had experienced such a thing during passing and decided to share this one fact with all. Either way, Severus didn't exactly feel confident. He was moving toward the end in a slow manner, and gazed at the light with suspicious eyes. Black had believed he had other limbos to pass through, but it looked like he was at the end of it. Where ever Black had gone, he was sure he had gone through such a light. Now it was his turn to pass through the light. But if it was time for him to move on, did it mean he was going to some place nice?

Severus wasn't sure how to weigh the idea. He didn't want to be punished for eternity, but he also could not imagine himself in some world that wasn't dark. Still he proceeded. All the while, he kept trying to ease his fears. To restore the belief that he had to move on. He couldn't help comparing the journey to the moment when he entered the Potter's house after the Dark Lord's attack. It was like walking through a dream. Everything was moving in a horrifyingly slow manner as he walked up the stairs. He passed James Potter's body, more concerned with the welfare of Lily. He had prayed that there was some hope that she had been spared. All the Dark Lord wanted was the baby. He hadn't been thinking about what was best for their child. He was still selfish in that moment; only wanting Lily to be safe. But then he had entered the child's room and found her dead on the floor.

The shock had nearly killed him. There was his best friend lying motionless; the only light he'd ever had in his life was now extinguished. Severus had cradled her in a way he never imagined. If he was to hold her to him, she would be smiling and throwing her arms around him. But fate hadn't been so kind. She wasn't his to hold. It hadn't mattered at that moment. Her husband was dead, and so was she. Severus didn't remember a time when he cried harder. The anguish was something he'd never felt before, and never wanted to experience again. The walk to the room to learn that truth had been dreadful, and now he was experiencing the same feeling. He paused just at the edge of the tunnel. There was no other route to take, but it didn't matter. He was dead, and he had to take whatever came next. He stepped through the light.

He had no expectations for what he might see, but the sound of a cheering crowd was something he didn't see coming at all. He quickly realized that the bright light had come from the sun, and he had just stepped out onto a field. To be more precise, it was a Quidditch field. On all sides of him were the old school stands holding a wild crowd who didn't seem to be cheering at his arrival. Their attention was turned up to the sky. Whizzing over his head were the players who were clearly involved in an intense game. Severus had never been one to pay much attention to the popular sport. He hadn't been able to stand it with James Potter soaring about, flashing smiles at girl and messing up his hair. Such exuberant activities were not in his interest. The only time he'd ever paid attention to it was when Slytherin had won a game. Upon closer look, he saw that the teams playing were Gryffindor and Slytherin.

Severus's lip curled in disgust as he stood watching. There could only be one person he was destined to meet here. He searched the flyers as best he could for a sign of him, but they were too far away for him to see clearly. After a while, he saw the snitch glittering against the clear blue sky. Severus felt a warm gentle wind caress his body. It was a great contrast against the place he had been previously. There was no darkness, only light and excitement; something he wasn't used to.

The snitch fluttered in one space for a moment, then zigzagged around the players. Then he saw a flash of red. Perfect player Potter had finally shown up. He watched as he zigzagged after the snitch. The crowd was eating it up. Severus sneered. The last thing he wanted to see was the big shot making a win and strutting about like the champion he thought he was.

He turned away from he and searched around for some kind of exit. There were no doors where he could escape, except the one he just entered which was now closed. He turned when he heard the crowd shout. One of the Gryffindor's had just scored a point.

"Gryffindor scores another point. They are fifty points ahead of the Slytherins!" the announcer cried. "All they need to do is catch the snitch to win the game.

Severus groaned. Now he knew he didn't want to be here. The snitch made another zip across the sky, then it made a sudden downward turn and hovered right before him. Severus stared at it as if he had never seen one before. It was true that he had never been in close contact with a snitch, but like everyone else, he knew what it was. He looked up. All the players had paused in their game and were looking down. The crowd was also looking down at him and cheering. Severus did nothing, but stare at the object with a blank expression.

"Catch it Sev!"

Severus looked up at the sudden cry. Making his way further down was none other than James Potter. Upon coming closer, Severus could see he wasn't the boy he'd been when he played Quidditch. He was his adult self, the man who he had seen laying dead in his damaged house. But he was wearing Gryffindor Quidditch robes. He stopped a good ways away from him. Severus suddenly had the urge to reach for his wand, but Potter didn't make a move to curse him. He was grinning and yelling out to him encouragingly.

"Come on Severus! You can do it! Catch the snitch!" he cried.

As stunned as he was by Potter's friendly attitude toward him, he was more stunned by the idea of being encouraged to participate. He looked at the snitch as if it were something to be feared, then he reached out a tentative hand. The snitch didn't make a move to zip away. It simply hovered there within his reach. Slowly his fingers closed over it. The minute he had captured it, the crowd stood and broke out in the loudest cheers yet. Even the Quidditch teams, along with Potter, were clapping and cheering for him. Severus was shocked. Never before had he received such a welcome. No one in his life had ever been really happy to see him, except for Lily, but he had ended that quickly enough. No. He never received cheers or praise. It was an unfamiliar territory. He had once imagined receiving some form of congratulations by his students and colleagues, and possibly Ministry officials if his true work for Dumbledore had been known. Had he survived, he wondered if he would get such a welcoming praise. Harry Potter knew the truth, and after meeting him in his Dungeons again he imagined he would be fighting for his name.

"Well done Severus! Well done!" Potter cried. He pointed up to the stands. Severus followed his direction and saw that he had indeed scored 300 points for the Slytherin team, beating the Gryffindor team with 50 points. If Potter was happy about Slytherin's win, it simply proved to Severus all the more that he really was dead. He dipped down on the broom and landed. The other players swerved in the air and returned to their game while Potter marched up to him, grinning.

"Well, I think this proves you could have been a seeker during our school years," James told him.

"If every snitch came so easily to me, then Gryffindor would have never stood a chance," Severus told him with a slight sneer. "What is this? Pity? My chance to win a cup for the Slytherin Quidditch team?"

"It's not about winning at all," Potter told him sheepishly.

"Look who's talking," Severus said coldly. He wasn't fooled for an instant. When it came to Quidditch, there had been nothing more important to James Potter than winning. How did he expect him to believe that it wasn't important to him anymore?

"I know it was kinda my thing in school, but when you grow up, you realize other things are important too."

Severus stared at him. He would never have believed that if he hadn't married Lily; if Harry hadn't been born. For most people, family did come first. Severus knew that much, even though he had no experience with that side of life. His own parents hadn't sought to get past themselves to notice there was another, smaller person living in their household. Sure there had been times when his mother had looked his way, but it was never in the way he really wanted. It wasn't in the way he was sure Lily had looked at her own child. Though their fate together wasn't meant to be, Severus started regretting what he'd done to end their friendly relationship. He had not been able to see how Lily reacted when she learned she would become a mother, and had their friendship stayed in tact, he was sure he would have been able to see her becoming a wonderful parent. She would have insisted Potter invite him over.

Severus narrowed his eyes a bit. He wasn't so sure he really wanted to see that part of her life at all. The true reminder that Lily did not love him; at least not in that way. She had chosen someone else to start a family with—his rival, James Potter.

He had no way of knowing what kind of father he had been before death took him, but he knew he was in no way like his own father. For much of his life, his father couldn't be bothered with him. He thought he had wanted his mother, and he thought he had wanted his son. In the end, all his yelling and cursing told him otherwise. Potter could never had been that, otherwise Lily wouldn't have married him. The man standing before him looked wise and mature. He looked like a defender rather than a troublemaker. A man who bravely stood before the green light in a self-less act. Severus wanted to say he was the same, but he couldn't.

He may not be a coward, like Harry Potter had accused him of being, but he wasn't exactly self-less. Had Harry not been Lily's son, he wouldn't have given a damn about him. He couldn't say he ever really did, but seeing Lily in him made something of a difference; however it didn't help that it was covered with a hint of James Potter.

"Yes," Severus said coldly, "And one of them was tormenting me."

James didn't look like he was surprised to hear this remark.

"There was that...and then Lily."

Just hearing her name on his lips was enough to send his absent heart crashing to the ground. He immediately turned from him and started marching to the closed entrance.

"Wait a minute Severus," Potter called as he trotted after him. "We're not done."

"I am!" he snapped. "I have no desire to see you Potter!"

"Well, do you think I was thrilled about seeing you?"

Severus didn't stop. He wasn't going to stay here any longer, and if he had to fight this limbo for a way out, he would do it.

"I never figured you for a coward."

Severus stopped in his tracks. That had done it. It was his son's words echoing back at him from long ago. He turned very slowly and met the man with a dark and dangerous glare.

"What did you call me!" he demanded.

"You heard me, Severus." He said it with a slight grin. "You're running away from me. You never did that when we were in school together."

Aside from hearing the word "coward" yet again, he realized another surprising fact. Unlike Black, he had yet to call him by his hated nickname "Snivellus". James gave him a small friendly smile.

"As much of a threat as you appeared to be, you never scared me."

"No," James agreed. "But the one who should have scared you was Voldemort."

Severus wasn't sure how to read his statement. He sounded as if he were implying that he was impressed, as well as disgusted.

"Had I been..." Severus started slowly.

"My son would have been in a lot more trouble," James finished.

"So, I'm here for you to _thank?_" Severus asked with a slight curl in his lips.

"It's not just about what you did for my son," he paused, then glanced up at the players. "It's more about what you did to yourself in life."

Severus sneered. "Allow me to spare you the trouble, but Black already gave me his lecture on what was wrong with my life."

"O-kay," he answered in a playful manner. "Then it's about what you _did _to my son."

Severus raised a suspicious eyebrow. There had already been someone free to punish him for the way he treated Potter. Black had the opportunity to pull more than a levitation joke on him, but he hadn't. It was in the past, but apparently his best friend wasn't seeing it the same way. He knew he shouldn't be surprised as he was his father afterall; Black had only been the boy's godfather. James smiled and motioned to the area near the stands where a long bench appeared. He walked toward them, then after a minute's hesitation, Severus followed. He let James sit first, watching him closely for any sign of a trick. When he saw none, he settled down himself. James wasn't looking at him. Instead, his gaze was on the field. Severus glanced down at the snitch that was still held tightly in his hand.

"You may not have thought much of him in your potions' class, but you can't deny he wasn't a great Quidditch player."

"I couldn't deny it, had he been in Slytherin," he groaned without looking up. Why did the snitch suddenly fascinate him?

"Looks like I gave you the wrong impression of myself."

"And what impression is that, Potter?" he sneered.

"That I relished popularity."

Severus raised his eyebrows and glanced at him. Potter was looking down as if he were ashamed.

"That's because you did relish it." At that Potter grinned. "Had your head become so large you forgot that important fact?"

"I had not forgotten," he said sheepishly. "I remember how I was. I was the big Quidditch hero."

"That, you were," Severus agreed icily.

James gave a nod. "Yeah, but here was where it ended. It's not like I became a professional player. That reputation stayed behind. It stayed here at Hogwarts."

"What are you getting at?" Severus asked as he started becoming restless. Potter looked back at him with a serious expression.

"I'm throwing your own words back at you Sev. The ones you once said to my son. Fame isn't everything."

For a moment, Severus simply stared at him. Claiming there were other things that were important was one thing, but to put aside fame was something entirely abnormal for James Potter to say. He turned away from him and smirked, suddenly realizing why he was bothering to say such things.

"I never cared about fame Potter," he sneered. "Your son certainly did."

"Maybe to you Sev," said Potter darkly. "But I assure, he wasn't interested."

"Hmm, tell you that himself did he?"

James leaned back. "He never had to. If you had really understood what he'd lost, you never would have looked at it that way. A boy loses his parents to murder, he barely survives a killing curse and he's famous for it. Is that really something to be proud of? He just wanted a normal life. But you, Severus, you're the opposite. Had it happened to you, you would have—"

"Welcomed it."

James raised his eyebrows at him in surprise. Severus met his gaze.

"You don't know what my family life was like. Had I had what your son had, what you had, I would have treated it better."

"How would you have treated it better?" James challenged. "Once your name is out there like that, there's little you can do about it. I suppose you would have been okay had you suffered such a fate as my child. Wouldn't you have cared to have your parents around?"

At the question, Severus visibly flinched. He didn't want to think about his parents. And with his dark thoughts, the sky started to form horrible gray clouds. The crowd quieted their cheering and the players froze to look up. James also cast his gaze up.

"I guess not," James decided. After several minutes of silence, Severus spoke.

"My name is already out there, as a traitor!" he hissed. "And there's little I can do about it, isn't that right, Potter? But even if my name is cleared, I've already built up quite a reputation."

"That you have," James agreed with a grin. "As a slimy greasy git of a potions' master."

This time Severus didn't bother to get riled at the joke. He knew very well how his students saw him, but he was far too above them to care. He was the commanding dark figure of the halls, separate from his colleagues, practically invisible. No one had but the worst to say about him. Everyone had only the best to say about everyone else. He looked at James, suddenly hating him, again. He may not have gone down with the best reputation (being known for dying as Harry Potter's father), but it was a hell of a lot better than his own. James Potter had a name that meant hero. He had a name that meant villain. Had he had a moment to take in life as a celebrity, he thought he might actually take it. But did it really mean he wanted popularity?

"Admit it Severus, you were jealous of me."

Severus snorted. "I wasn't jealous of anyone, especially not of _you_."

"There's nothing wrong with being jealous sometimes, but you can't use that to hold over other peoples' heads. No matter what you think, my son never wanted what he has, and will continue to have. He wasn't like me in the way that you think."

"HE WAS EXACTLY LIKE YOU!" he yelled. There was a small sound of thunder from the graying clouds. "Arrogant, lazy, full of pride. Always thought he was above the rules. And you think I'm jealous of that?"

"You see what you want to see, professor," said James coldly. "My son was none of those, because he also inhabited Lily's traits."

At that, Severus had to stop. His anger dropped, and he was left staring back at him with a blank expression.

"Is this only about comparing him to yourself, Potter?"

"You're making it that," said James simply. "This is about how much fame you wanted. How jealous you were."

"I wasn't jealous," Severus hissed with great determination. It was a lie, and he was determined to keep it from being truthful. Determined not to acknowledge that feeling. Jealousy, was like hatred. It was something that ate at you until you had nothing but hollowness left. Why did the dark feeling always have to eat away at him? Severus knew the answer, and so had Black. Everyone knew. He was dark, always had been and always would be.

He released the snitch which dropped and hit the ground with a low thud. The gray clouds began to pull back.

"You had talent most of this school admired. Catching a silly gold toy earned you credit. Book smarts meant nothing. Being the victim of your idiotic games and taunts gave you better notice. Worst of all, you had her,…you eventually had…her."

He couldn't look at him when he said it. He found himself hunching over, letting his dark hair hide his eyes. He could just imagine what Potter was thinking. Probably trying to think of a good joke to make of it. He waited for it, but it never came. The soundlessness of his surroundings was suddenly broken with the pitter-patter of rain drops. Severus only noticed it when a wet drop hit his shoulder. He raised his head and frowned at the spot that had darkened on his robes. When he had found himself in a snowy Godric's Hollow, he hadn't felt the coldness of the snow. In this case, he was feeling the cold and wetness of the rain. Severus looked up at the rainy sky, then he touched his cheek. It was dry. The limbo was crying for him. It was reflecting a deep anguish that he was obviously too ashamed to express in front of his nemesis. Out of curiosity, he looked at him.

James' face was contorted in sympathy. Severus sneered and moved as far away from him as he could on the bench.

"_Don't you pity me Potter,"_ he hissed in a dangerous and desperate voice. "I don't need it."

"No," said James as he shook his head. "You don't need pity." He looked away from him and glanced up at the sky. "I think, between us, if anyone was jealous first, it was me." Severus didn't give any sign that he had heard him, but he continued anyways. "I think I first loved Lily the first time I saw her. I had just a glance of her on that train, but my thoughts were more on you, the boy announcing that she had 'better end up in Slytherin'. Anytime Slytherin's mentioned, all sense went out the window. But I thought about her briefly, then I thought about her a little bit more when the hat announced she belonged in Gryffindor."

"I know what happened! I don't need you to remind me," Severus warned. He wanted to strangle him, but he found he didn't have enough of a desire to do so.

"You were with her first, and I guess, that gave me a second reason to curse you every second I had."

"You were a bully! An evil little toerag!" Severus shouted. "Lily…saw that."

"Cause she was right. I was those things." James bowed his head. "I wanted her too."

Severus's eyes were glued to the man who suddenly looked like the one who had lost her, who hadn't gotten a chance to be with her. The rain slowed, until it was just a few sprinkles. Severus found himself suddenly feeling like the better man. The crowd began the cheer and the players took up their game.

"You got her in the end," Severus said slowly. "Why?...what does she see in you?"

He wasn't sure if he was actually asking Potter or himself that question. He was surprised the rage he once felt about it didn't come. Maybe the rain had washed it away. James gave one of his cocky smirks.

"What does she see in me, indeed?" he asked himself. "The funny thing about time Severus, is that you can either stay the same, or change with it. I chose to change with it. I chose not to be the evil little toerag. I chose to follow in her footsteps and become kinder and more considerate. That was the kind of person she was. She could inspire someone like me to be, better."

Severus snorted, but he knew it was true. Had it not been for Lily, he'd probably end up more isolated than he had already been in life, if that was possible. Perhaps, he'd become so dark and isolated, that he just couldn't stand it and decide to depart early. Lily was a light that had saved him, and apparently she had saved Potter as well. In the time her eyes had gone to him, he could never understand it. The only thing he had assumed was that her house had influenced her to join with her own kind. That mixing with other housemates was impossible. He was of a different class, a different life than she was and their houses were telling them so. He belonged with people interested in the Dark Arts. Though she had grabbed his interest, he had been unable to influence her to switch to his own desires.

"So you see, fame wasn't everything," James said gently. "Lily hadn't cared that I was good at Quidditch, or that everyone looked up to me for my talents. What mattered was a person's heart. That's all that matters."

"Claiming my heart wasn't good enough?" Severus said angrily, with a high note of pain.

"You weren't exactly changing in the way that she hoped."

"SHE EXCEPTED ME FOR WHO I WAS BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG!"

"But for how long Sev?" he asked seriously. "She was changing with the times too. You stayed in the darkness. You used it as a wall between her and yourself. Were you so eager to put yourself on top that you were willing to sacrifice your friendship with her? You cared more about what your own house thought! You made a show of it, calling her a mudblood! I thought you cared about her!"

"Of course I cared! She was my best friend!"

"Then why did you treat her like that?"

"You don't understand Potter!"

"I understand! Friends treat each other right no matter what others think! You were putting up a front for the sake of your bloodthirsty friends. You refused to let your true feelings show!"

"Lily understood my feelings!"

"And your feelings were that you didn't care about hers!"

"That's not true!"

"Yes it's true!"

"IT'S A LIE!"

"THEN WHY?"

"I didn't…I couldn't….I wasn't what she wanted." He was startled to find himself explaining something so personal to the man she had married. He jumped up from the bench and took a few steps away from him and stopped. His fingers became claws attacking his face. Right now, he just wanted the world to swallow him up in darkness. He would even accept going back to Azkaban if he could escape this confrontation. He had always thought that if he ever had a chance to come across James Potter again, when Hogwarts was over, he'd curse him for all the pain he put him through. He'd mostly curse him for the pain of taking Lily away. Now he had the opportunity, but he lack the energy and proper emotions to push him.

"You could have been what she wanted," James said quietly. "But, you choice for it not to happen. You chose to try and win fame from a dark wizard. You chose to—"

"Alright Potter! I ruined it. Lord it over my head." He gave a deep sigh. He was now tired of the constant reminder of the relationship end.

"I don't mean to lord it over your head. You got it out of your system."

Severus turned around. Suddenly James Potter no longer looked like the talented person everyone admired. He now seemed ordinary, though his appearance hadn't changed. There were no houses. There were no sides to choose. They were on the same level.

"SEVERUS…SEVERUS…SEVERUS…SEVERUS!"

He glanced up to see the audience was looking down on him, shouting his name. The players had stopped their game and were also crying out. The gray clouds and rain had gone completely, leaving behind a perfect blue sky. James smiled and approached him.

"Maybe, for a little while, fame can be something…something nice. I have no doubt that's what's going on back on earth."

"I highly, doubt it," Severus said with a scowl. James merely nodded as if he had said an interesting joke. But then his face became quite serious.

"By the way, thank you. Thank you so much."

"For what?"

"For saving my son, on so many accounts." Severus raised a curious eyebrow. "I don't agree with your treatment of him in class, but fortunately you won't be treating students like that anymore."

"I'm so happy to know my death gives you pleasure," Severus said sourly. At that remark, James grabbed his shoulders and swerved him around so they were eye to eye. He looked even more serious than before.

"We're not children anymore," he said in a commanding voice that forced his complete attention. "No one's death, not even yours would pleasure me. I am not glad for you death. I am sorry for it. I'm sorry for a lot of things. I know you won't accept it, but one of the things I'm most sorry for is how I treated you, all those years ago."

James let go of his shoulders. Severus had held onto the hatred of James Potter for far too long. It had all been about despising a man who had not only made a fool of him, but who had stolen a possible love. He never wanted to release it, but this place, as well as his own desire for peace had made him. What was past, was past now, but that didn't mean he was about to sign up to become a marauder, nor would he thank him for saving him from a near death by a werewolf. His other feelings, he couldn't express so well. Severus glanced down at the ground. What else could he possibly say to the man? They had never been on good terms, and he had all but disappeared after their seventh year. They had nothing in common except Harry Potter.

"The boy," he started quietly. "He possesses your…bravery."

When he didn't receive a reply right away he looked up. James was smiling proudly, then he gave a nod.

"Thank you Severus."

The snitch that had gone forgotten on the ground, suddenly sprung to life and came to zigzag around Severus. The crowd never stopped cheering. James picked up his broom and gave him a salute.

"You possessed much bravery in your life as well Severus. Never forget it. Use it to be yourself, but without the greasiness."

He swung a leg over his broom and headed straight for the sky. Unlike the situation with Black, he saw no need to call out to him. The situation felt resolved. When James returned to the other players, he no longer stood out. He was no different from the others.

He turned his attention away and looked for an escape, but none had appeared. Aside from the fact that his emotions had stirred a shower, he knew this wasn't exactly his limbo. It was a place where he'd have thought James Potter wanted to end up. But of course, he had grown out of his Quidditch obsession and became a husband. Now he was thinking his limbo should have been him with Lily in Godric's Hollow. He was grateful that it hadn't turned out that way. He couldn't have bared to see him with Lily. If there was such a thing as true love, then he would be leaving the pitch behind to join her, but after he'd gone.

"Wait a minute Potter! How the bloody hell do I get out of this place?"

James paused in his playing and grinned down at him. "Not planning to stay for a quick round? There are extra brooms available."

"Potter!" he shouted angrily. He had no intention of playing a game while he was in the middle of sorting out his own afterlife.

"Alright, alright," he cried as he waved his hands in a mock surrender. "Just catch the snitch!"

"Perhaps you had better open your ears a bit wider. I have no intention of playing," he said silkily.

"Just catch the snitch!" he cried while cupping his hands over his mouth.

Severus looked at the snitch which continued to zoom around him. It wasn't just a silly gold toy he realized. It was the embodiment of an energetic youth; of daring and adventure, and chance. Severus didn't know why he was analyzing it that way, but he did. He slowly reached out to it, just as it started hovering in one place. His fingers wrapped around a warm surface.

In a transportation that wasn't like that of a porkey, Severus faded away from the field with the snitch in his hand. The last thing he saw was James Potter zooming down the pitch as if he were hunting down a snitch. The last thing he heard was the shout of his own name from the exuberant audience.

"SEVERUS…SEVERUS…SEVERUS!"

**Sorry it took a while guys, but school started up again. **

**I believe I heard on an interview/questions with J.K Rowling and her fans, J.K said Snape wouldn't have cared about Harry if he wasn't connected to Lily. But this wasn't only about Harry. It had to do with fame and jealousy. I think writing his conversation with James was tough. But they've said all they needed to say. So far, neither Sirius nor James have jumped on Sev for how he treated Harry. It's part of the past and they aren't to punish him. They are to enlighten him.**

**Anyways, stay tuned for the next chapter. **

**And please keep the reviews coming!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**I believe the last chapter was sort of the halfway point. But now I'll go ahead and tell you we're almost at the end of this fic! So cherish the moments.**

The Real Monster

The sound of his name being cried from an excited crowd was still echoing in his ears. His eyes were closed as he savored the cheers before they disappeared completely. He hadn't realized he had stopped from his sudden teleportation. The warmness of the sun was gone. There was a sudden chill in the air. Severus opened his eyes and sighed. It had been good to hear his name in that fashion, even if it occurred after his death. Now it was gone. What stretched out before him wasn't a Quidditch field, but an unfamiliar town in the dark of night. He stood on a hillside and could just make out the lights of a few shabby looking houses stretched along a country road down below. For a sickening minute, Severus feared he had landed in Spinner's End. That the limbo had transported him to a place where he would definitely meet his parents. Severus shivered at the thought of them. No one, not even Potter, was worse than them; at least when it came to his father. His mother, for all he cared, could have been a ghost in their home.

He took a step forward to the edge of the road. It was definitely not Spinner's End. It wasn't any place that was familiar, which meant whoever he was to meet here was not part of his limbo. He wouldn't create some unknown village. He quickly ran through a list of all the possible persons who would live here. No one came to mind. The only thing he could think was that he had come to the end of his travels. That he was staring down at his new eternity; a dark and possibly lonely place. It seemed his chances of seeing Lily were improbable now. Confronting his problems with old enemies changed nothing. It was too late for him. At last he had found his true darkness.

Severus didn't know how long he stood there staring down at the town. He had been determined to move forward regardless of what lay before him, but he couldn't bring himself to make the first step. There was no sense of danger, therefore there was no reason to feel fear. All was quiet and somewhat peaceful. Suddenly the Quidditch field looked more inviting.

He wasn't roused out of his thoughts until he heard the sound of a branch breaking. He looked behind him for the first time. There was a shabby looking house positioned on the little hill. Unlike the ones below, this house was much poorer looking. The white paint had dulled and was peeling. Some boards were missing, and a few windows were cracked or broken, but the strangest thing of all was the jagged marks running along some of it's walls. It gave the impression that some wild creature had clawed at them. The cold air seemed to become colder with the thought. That house, in a way, was a representation of himself. It was dark and lonely. Severus shut his eyes and turned away, hissing with annoyance. He didn't want those thoughts visiting him again.

But then the sound of a breaking branch came to him once more. Then there was another, like someone was crunching on twigs in the woods that shaded the house from behind. Whatever it was, he refused to look around to learn the answer. There was another sound of twig breaking which came closer to his ears, and was followed by a low growl. Severus felt the hairs on the back of his neck raise. The growl sounded like it was a mere inch behind him. He had no choice. He had to know what was making the noise. Slowly he turned around.

Three feet from where he was standing was a horribly familiar nightmare. Barely poised on his hind legs, eyes flashing and saliva dripping from his sharp fangs was a werewolf. But it wasn't just any werewolf. He had no doubt in his mind that he was looking at the transformed Remus Lupin. All werewolves in their transformed state carried some mark that linked them to their humans selves, whether it be a bald spot or a silly birth mark. With Lupin, it was hard to find anything that differentiated him, but he knew. What other werewolf would come to kill him?

Severus took a step back. The werewolf didn't move. He just stood there making low growls, watching his rising fear. What could he do? He had no wand, no way to protect himself. The only thing he could try was to talk him down, but as he had no experience easing people's nerves, he felt there was no reason to try. In his opinion, it was always best to try to kill the beast or at least avoid it at all costs. He took another step back. Part of him felt it was ridiculous to be afraid. He was dead, so why should he worry about being attacked by this monster? He couldn't die again, could he?

The werewolf took his first step forward, then threw his head back and howled. Severus decided not to test the possibility of being hurt. He turned and ran. The ground vibrated with his wild movement. He headed right for the town he was hesitant about entering. He would have given anything to go back in time to the previous limbo and snatch a broom from the Quidditch team. He didn't feel fast enough on the earth, and that was because it was impossible to outrun a werewolf. Of course, he had mastered the ability of broomless flight, but in the moment, he couldn't muster the energy for the attempt. Not once had he considered using magic, and he supposed it was because he had no powers here. Aside from looking and feeling healthy, he never realized until now he lacked that extra sense that told him he had magic. So it was just his near mortal self and the magical monster.

A few days after Black had escaped the clutches of the dementors, Dumbledore had briefly told him about Potter escaping Lupin in his dangerous state. Severus had questioned the reason behind it, determined to understand what exactly Potter had been up to and how Black had escaped, but Dumbledore gave him nothing more. Severus recalled being angry for a whole day, blaming the boy for defying what should not have been possible; being lucky enough to escape such a beast easily while he had to rely on the assistance of his father to get away in time. The wolf was closing in. Severus didn't look back. He was expecting people to peak out of their houses, curious to know about the noise. So far he couldn't sum up the breath to shout. He twisted in and out of the houses, hoping to lose him in narrow spaces. There was no such luck for him. At one point, he was nearly cornered against a wall. The werewolf had stopped, but didn't attack. If anything, he seemed to become angrier. Severus quickly dodged him, leaping across the space.

Everything seemed to be hazing in and out of focus. Severus couldn't believe his terror had made him that upset. He felt exhausted and dehydrated. His vision was starting to swim worse. Severus turned down a very narrow alleyway and came back out to the open of the main road. And it was only until he reached that road did he realize nothing was chasing him. But the werewolf's sudden disappearance didn't alert him right away. The road he was frozen upon and the houses on either side were suddenly covered in snow. In all the time he had been running, the road was bone dry. Of course in a place that wasn't quite real, he knew he shouldn't be surprised, but still it was striking. Severus took a few steps forward and stopped. He had completely forgotten about the werewolf. Now he was focused on why the snow bothered him so, and then it hit him. It was like Godric's Hollow now. Lily's place of refuge covered in beautiful white, but surrounded by great tragedy. He gazed up at the sky. It was not snowing. He let his gaze fall back to the houses. It was still an unfamiliar village, but it appeared to look a lot like the infamous Potter village.

"Lily," he whispered longingly.

The quick quiet was broken by a great growl from behind him. He turned, but there was nothing where the monster should have been. There was a breeze of warm air against his neck. Slowly he turned his head to the front, and in the minute that he had blinked, the werewolf leaped and knocked all the air out of him. He hit the snowy ground hard, but he didn't feel any pain. The only pain he was starting to feel came from the beast's claws digging into his flesh. No amount of kicking could dislodge Lupin. He was frozen under his weight. The frightening version of the ex-professor dominated him, reducing Severus to a creature no braver than a mouse. His mouth was parted as if he was waiting for the right moment to bite into him. Severus did not want to beg for his life. If anything, his eyes were doing the begging for him. Severus lay under him, waiting to experience a death within a death, but it wasn't coming. He didn't close his eyes, he barely cried out as the claws sank in further. He didn't know what to do. Did Lupin want an apology of some sort? Was this payback? If he wanted an apology he couldn't give it. His throat was too tight to speak. And if this was payback, all he could do was force himself to accept it. In life he had been able to escape situations of revenge-seekers, but he wasn't about to escape it in death. Someone had to punish him, and if it wasn't going to be Dumbledore, Potter or Black, then it might as well have been Lupin. He was the most dangerous of the three afterall. A werewolf problem complicated things, but what did it matter after death? He did not know. Maybe it was ten times worse than in life. Either way, he could not close his eyes. He would witness his punishment.

The werewolf stopped growling and closed his mouth. His eyes stopped flashing and seemed to soften. Then right before his eyes he started to revert to his human self. His arms were becoming shorter, which in turned caused his claws to become dull fingernails pulling themselves out of his skin. Severus gasped with relief. He rolled to his side and grabbed the places where his claws had entered, expecting blood, but his skin was undamaged, as was his robes. He shut his eyes briefly then opened them again to watch Lupin who had just finished transforming back into himself. He now looked like a very kind gentleman with a soft smile. No lines of weariness were drawn across his face. He looked healthier, cleaner, and a lot less poor. Even if his pockets weren't bulging with galleons, he looked like the wealthiest man in the world. If he wasn't thinking literally, he would have thought he was wealthy because he had a wife and son; something no one had ever expected to happen. A lost dangerous figure had found a family. Severus's lip curled just a bit with jealousy, but then he remembered that he too was dead.

"It seems we got off to a rough start," said Lupin in a calm and cheered voice.

"You don't say," said Severus, sneering. Severus made to get up, but Lupin held out his hand. Reluctantly he took it and allowed Lupin to help him to his feet.

"Are you all right?" Lupin asked curiously.

"Depends on you definition. What's the meaning of this? Hoping to create a nice theatrical effect?"

"It wasn't the intention," he said calmly as he began to rock on his feet. "But it had a powerful effect upon you, wouldn't you say?"

Now it was Severus's turn to growl. "I almost forgot. I am dealing with another Marauder."

"Ah, so you've met James, and Sirius," Lupin said as he began to move around.

"It wasn't my desire I assure you. My travels appear to be out of my control."

"That they are," Lupin agreed as he stopped before him. "You see in life, we can choose not to confront someone or something, but in the afterlife, in order to, well _move on, _such confrontations must take place. I expect you had a nice talk with them."

Severus glared at him, but said nothing. He didn't want to admit his time with Black and Potter as being nice. Their meeting hadn't ended with him becoming part of their circle of friendship. All it had done was remind him of what he hadn't done in life. He was annoyed that he was taking them so freely now. Had such things happened in life, he would have dismissed what they'd said right away. Had they been nice talks, he wasn't quite sure yet.

"I suppose I'm here to do the same with, you?"

"Of course, let's walk."

Lupin walked away from him as Severus felt the anger slip away. He turned and walked with him. He tried not to think about the man as being Lupin. Instead he focused on the snow crunching under his feet. He had gotten over Sirius, and surprisingly he'd gotten over Potter, but Lupin was another matter. He never fully had anything against him until the day he was nearly killed by his wolf side. Then years later he took the position of the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. He was a fellow that never made much noise, not even against him. But he was part of Potter's crew.

"Tell me Severus, do you recognize this village?"

A scowl was falling on his features. Right now he was desiring to be anywhere other than this village with Lupin. He was just starting to wonder if he could imagine himself back in the dungeons of Hogwarts when he had asked the question.

"This is no village of mine."

"No. It is a village of mine," Lupin told him. "The place I lived in as a boy, among the poor folks who had to deal with the awful threat of the werewolf child, though they did not know any such creature existed up on that hill."

"Fascinating Lupin," Severus said, who really wasn't fascinated at all. "What does it have to do with me?"

"Well I'm getting there Severus, I'm getting there."

"I would rather leave this place before that happens," he growled. "I don't suppose I can leave of my own choosing?"

"Well, you could try, but I doubt you'll get anywhere. It's my turn to have a chat with you."

"Of course it was," he said coldly. "You are part of Potter's tormenting gang, which is why it now comes as no surprise as to why you tried your beastly stunt upon me."

"Being a Marauder had nothing to do with what I just showed you."

"Then what was the purpose?"

Lupin came to a stop and faced him. His quiet demeanor didn't change. "To show you, a real monster."

Something about the way he said it came across as sad. Severus stared at him, slightly stunned. From his personality, it was easy to assume that Lupin may have thought little of himself, due to his lycanthropy, but hearing it aloud made a difference. Lupin was admitting that he saw himself as a monster, but Severus couldn't fathom why he'd tell him such a thing.

"I believe, we are too far away from Hogwarts for me to brew up an antidote."

At that Lupin actually laughed. "I'm not actually looking for an antidote. I accepted my condition long ago, but I do appreciate the offer."

"Then get to it Lupin. What am I here for?"

"That, I can't be fully certain. Only you know what you're here for."

Severus sighed and leaned against the fence of an unfamiliar house. He bowed his head in despair. He wasn't sure he could take any more of these random travels. He wasn't so sure he could take anymore of his past life lessons. He just wished it would end. When he raised his head, he saw a frightening sight which forced him to gasp and jump back. He was staring at a reflection of himself in the glass of the house windows. But at the same time it wasn't himself. He was staring at a large black werewolf with his dark black eyes. Severus quickly glanced down at his hands. He was still human. He hadn't transformed. That fact hadn't been enough to slow his breathing and what felt like his heart racing in his chest. No matter how many times he blinked, the image of his reflection as a werewolf would not disappear.

"What is this?" he demanded fearfully.

In response, Lupin dropped a hand on his shoulder. His reflection, his human reflection joined his wolf one.

"Something, I think, that lies down deep within."

But Severus wouldn't take it. He shook his head. "I am no monster."

"No. You've become a good man, but not before hurting so many." Severus violently pushed his hand off of him.

"So that's what this is about." He was no longer looking at his image in the glass. "Do not make me out to be a monster Lupin! I am not like you."

"Oh what a compliment," he said seriously. "I'm not a monster, but that reflection of myself lies deep within me. In your case, you project that image on your person."

"It lies deep, until the full moon manifests it," Severus said in an icy, cruel sounding tone.

Lupin's smile had been fading the minute Severus saw his reflection, but it was gone altogether now. His lips were thin and his eyes were sharp. Severus was sure he could control his transformation here. A quick glance at the sky showed him no moon.

"True. But for yourself, you needed no moon." Lupin grabbed his shoulders and spun him around to face his reflection again. The second time viewing seemed more unbearable than the first time witnessing it. Why? He had never had a fear of werewolves. The incident with Lupin as a child had never permanently damaged him. It was only frightening because it was himself as the wolf. But the reflection seemed to be more than just a werewolf. It now appeared to be some none existent monster that didn't compare to a normal werewolf, or even to Voldemort for that matter.

He tried to turn away, but Lupin grabbed a hold of his shoulders, forcing him in place. His determination to keep him staring at the horror seemed powerful enough to hold his head in place as well.

"Look,…_look!"_ Lupin hissed angrily. "Do not turn away. It is yourself, your true self."

"No!"

"You can not be afraid to look at yourself in the mirror, not even here."

"Release me!" Severus struggled to pull away, but he was weak in his grasp. He did not want to look at that reflection any longer.

"It is you….it is you," Lupin whispered in his ears.

The strange thing was, was that the more he claimed it was himself, the more he saw it as himself. A dark creature with no love in his heart. A black mass that was shapeless and evil. Severus couldn't help wondering if that was what his students and his colleagues saw every time they looked at him. He himself had never gone looking in mirrors, not longer than he had to. The dark, bat-like creature that stalked the halls was who he truly was. At least, he had assumed it for the longest. Lily did not see such a creature. She saw that he possessed love, and Severus had come to believe it in the time he had spent with her. But after she was gone, the monster returned in full force. The image, the reflection of what he was to her, was gone.

He shook his head. That creature looked like him, but it wasn't him. He had made terrible mistakes, the kind that would label him as that monster.

A new scene played in his mind. One in which he, as that wolf like creature, took the place of the Dark Lord and was confronting a terrified Lily who was trying to shield her babe in the crib.

"_No! No, please Severus, it's me!" she pleaded._

Severus shut his eyes. "No," he muttered sorrowfully.

"_Please Severus, don't hurt him! Not my child! Not my child!" Her eyes were at their widest with fear. She had never looked at him that way before, but still he advanced._

"_Not Harry!"_

He had hurt Harry. Severus trembled with shame and horror. "I'm sorry," he cried.

_He saw the baby. He saw himself giving the boy a hard time when he was in so much danger. _

_Lily continued to back away. Tears were running down her cheeks now._

"_Please Sev! Don't you remember me! We're friends! Don't hurt me….don't hurt me!"_

_It was too late. His shadow loomed over her cowering figure. She had become like his weakling of a mother, cowering before his own father, but in this case, he was a true monster. He extended his claws._

"NO! DON'T DO IT!"

It was like he was watching himself make the same horrible mistake again, only it was a hundred times more petrifying. He couldn't stop himself. He couldn't change that past.

_Lily was almost completely on the ground. The monster was closer than ever. Lily screamed and his claws came down._

"NNNOOOOOO!"

Severus crashed onto the ground. He was sick. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to stop the imitated feeling of a pounding heart. It was too painful. It was too real. It was like the experience he had had in the limbo of Azkaban. How many reminders did he need that he had done wrong?

He was shaking, and feeling as if he had just gone from a transformed state. After what could have been several minutes in the real world, Severus forced himself to his feet. As scared as he was, he forced himself to look at his reflection again. The wolf like monster was gone, replaced by his human reflection. It was a great relief. Just seeing the monster gone made him feel as if he had suddenly inherited a great fortune. He was curious to see how Lupin was reacting to him, waiting for him to speak; to comment on his mental break down. To mock him. When the quiet remained, Severus decided to speak first.

"I was a monster," he admitted quietly. "I did things, I'm ashamed of. A werewolf's tame compared to me." Slowly he turned his head towards Lupin. "Is that what you wanted me to feel?"

Lupin was staring at the glass with a dark expression. Severus looked back at it and saw the reverse. It was Lupin's reflection that was the wolf, standing next to his human image.

"I have no control over what you feel," Lupin told him seriously. "All I wanted you to know was that there are real monsters out there. There will always be real monsters out there, but that does not mean you have to join them. Not for any reason you possess."

Severus had caught himself in time. He was just about to explain his reasons for joining Voldemort. But his reasons to explain himself, wasn't because Black and the Potters had forced him to say anything. It had been his choice to share that information when he could have kept his mouth shut, but he was sure that if he had, he might have felt more weight bearing down on his soul. He didn't want to admit it, but it had been freeing to divulge his own secrets. He looked at Lupin now. He did not want to tell him that he had experienced killing Lily. He did not want to share anything about his interest in her at all. To his relief, he didn't pry. He only smiled.

"You're almost at the end, professor," Lupin said lightly.

"I am no professor," he said in a near sorrowful voice. "Not anymore. I am no one, but—"

"Severus Snape, ex-professor, ex-Death Eater," Lupin finished. Severus shuffled on his feet a bit as he felt a hint of embarrassment wash over him. "Walk with me a little further."

After his disturbing episode, walking with Lupin now seemed much easier.

"Tell me Severus, what did you think when you first came to this town?"

"I had assumed it was my own village, Spinner's End," he said with a frown.

"Ah, and you're glad to see that it's not," Lupin said as more of a question than a comment. Severus didn't answer, so he continued. "This village didn't start becoming dark for me, until my tragic encounter with Greyback. Running down these roads again was never the same after that. I felt like everyone I knew could see what I had become, see that other part of me that was so deadly. I was sure there was an aura about me telling them so. I wasn't exactly popular here. I was a strange boy, and that was because strange things tended to happen around me. I imagine a good number of the villagers were descended from witch hunters, and could sense my wizardry. And of course, to make matters worse, I became a werewolf on top of that."

Severus's expression was slightly scowled, but he wasn't exactly annoyed. He didn't know why he didn't stop him sharing his past. Perhaps it was because he wasn't chastising him for what he'd done in his life. He had turned the topic onto himself. The atmosphere was gentle and less lonely, which comforted Severus.

Soon enough, they had passed out of the village and were walking along the snowy grounds leading up to the surrounding woods. They traveled in silence. There was no need to discuss anything further about life. Lupin did not talk about the one he had lived, nor had he brought up the one Severus had lost. It was a nice, quiet that had settled on him, and in that quiet Severus felt as if he was understanding more and more about the meaning of their encounter. Lupin was right. There were real monsters out there, and he was glad to no longer be one of them.

The long, yet peaceful journey ended when they reached a very familiar tree. Severus gazed up at it in awe. It was much bigger here than it had been on earth, but another striking thing about it was that it wasn't waving it's branch to attack. Severus glanced around for a sign of the castle that told him he was back on Hogwarts' ground, but he didn't see it. He turned to the tree again.

"Don't tell me you had your own Whomping Willow?"

"Oh no," Lupin said as he glanced down curiously as his shoes. "No. This tree harbored my dark secret for so long. I couldn't very well be rid of it, not even after my death."

Severus looked around at him. For a moment, the quiet man looked pained as he stared at it. Lupin had not told him how he died, but he found if he concentrated hard enough he could understand what had happened. It was the first time he had attempted any such thing. He was mildly surprised when ghostly scenes of a wizard battle came to his mind. He could hear Lupin's voice yelling, crying out spells and crying out for his wife to watch out.

"You died during the battle," he stated.

"Yes. So did you," said Lupin. Severus turned away. He didn't see it as the same. He hadn't fought like the man before him. "But you were much braver than I. Playing spy for both sides."

Severus turned back to the tree. He did not want to think of that right now.

"So what of this tree?"

"It holds my dark secret. It reminds me of what I once was. Of my, happy times at Hogwarts. Of my role in the wizarding world."

"So, it is a symbol of yourself." When Severus saw the tree had no intention of hurting him, he edged forward and placed a hand on it's trunk. It was smooth, yet rough. He looked up at its branches. He had never thought much of the tree, except that it was a nuisance. And then when he learned why it was there, he hated it all the more. But here it wasn't a monstrosity. It was a thing that was both frightening and beautiful.

"I suppose you can look at it that way," said Lupin as he too came closer. "And if you listen closely, you can hear the secret within."

From the opening, Severus could hear a howl that could have easily been mistaken for the wind. That howl was followed by the same growls he had heard from Lupin on the hill, and with those disturbing sounds the tree actually shook. Severus stepped back.

"Don't worry, it can't get out," Lupin assured him. "That part of me is locked away forever, within this tree, only to be present when I choose to remember."

"And you chose to remember it the moment I arrived," he said bitterly. Lupin hid a smile.

"Well, it's not something I can forget is it? I still allow it to be a part of me. Only now, it isn't so much of a…problem."

"Because you no longer need me…or the potion," Severus muttered quietly. He let his hand drop to his side. Lupin moved next to him and patted his shoulder.

"I do believe you're ready."

"For what, might I ask?" Severus asked with much suspicion.

"To move on from me of course," he said simply. "I don't know how long the others kept you, but I do believe you learn more from experience rather than just talk."

"Oh, are we done already?" he asked in a falsely curious tone. "And I was just starting to like this place."

"Well, you can visit me anytime. The village is always open to you."

"I prefer my privacy Lupin," he said matter-of-factly.

"Yes well, we all get lonely sometimes."

There was a mark of sadness on his face once more, and Severus was reminded of the moment he had called himself a monster, just because he became unfortunate enough to become a werewolf. Normally he wouldn't have argued the point. The curse did label the wizard as such, but it was out of their control. No. A real monster was one who had control and chose to do the most monstrous things. Lupin could not compare himself to such. Severus stared into his eyes.

"You are not, a monster."

Several minutes went by with Lupin staring back with an expression that told him he was considering his words.

"Thank you, Severus." Severus turned back to the tree. "And I in turn must apologize for not expressing my concern with the behavior James and Sirius inflicted upon you. I am sorry, that I did nothing"

His words sounded so genuine that Severus couldn't help but to pay full attention to them.

"You are…forgiven," he said slowly, without looking at him. It had been the first time he had accepted an apology from one of Potter's Marauders. It was like a miracle.

"I suppose, there's much more for me?"

"That really depends on you Severus," he stated calmly. "And if you are ready to, leave, I shall say farewell, for now."

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"And how exactly do I, _leave_?"

"Through there," Lupin said with a nod toward the opening of the willow. Severus slowly turned toward it.

"Another one of your jokes?" At that moment, the growls within the tree became louder and more fierce.

"No joke," said Lupin. "But I would advise that you make sure you are ready to leave. Make sure that you have gotten past the belief that you are a monster, otherwise, I can't guarantee you that you won't get hurt."

"Hurt? In this place?"

"We can still hurt ourselves Severus. Destroy our souls because we can't forgive ourselves. Do you forgive yourself?"

Severus stared at the opening, letting the growls and howls echo in his ears. He wasn't sure he fully forgave himself for what he had done, but he had differentiated himself from being a monster. He wasn't so sure it was good enough. He didn't believe he would ever know if he really was a good man unless Lily told him he was. And with the thought of her came great pain. He was always a good man in her eyes, and now he needed to start believing it.

"It's okay if you haven't," Lupin suddenly said. Severus turned and saw that Lupin was watching him as if he were reading a curious book. "We don't always learn within one day. For some of us it takes more time."

"Knowing me, it'll take a lifetime."

"I don't think that's true," Lupin countered. "Now, why don't you take the first steps."

"I have taken many steps," he hissed with some annoyance.

"Then this should be no problem for you."

Again he looked to the opening of the tree. It was time to face that monster again. What would occur this time? Would he be attacked? Bitten? If so, Lupin wouldn't have advised him to pass through. He had never harmed Severus in their boyhood, which gave him much reason to trust him. So with a simple nod, Severus moved to the tree's opening. All the branches waved and became still as he crouched down.

"Oh, and Severus," Lupin suddenly spoke out. He turned around. "I do hope you find peace at last. And I am sorry for nearly getting you bit."

Severus quirked an eyebrow. "You mean now, or then at Hogwarts?"

"Both times," he said simply.

Severus crouched down further and stepped into the earthy tunnel. When he looked back, Lupin gave him a wave and the tree's opening closed up. Severus was about to yell out, but the wolf's growls interrupted him. Though there should have been darkness, there was much light. Severus didn't question it. He simply proceeded on. The growls did unnerve him, but he refused to let it stop him. There was no turning back. Hanging roots from the ceiling and sides poked at his hair and robes. The growls became clearer while the tunnel seemed to be stretching longer. After some time, he turned a corner and reached a shabby looking staircase. Severus paused when he reached it. He recalled climbing them on Black's orders after he had told him how to get into the accursed tree. Making his way to that room, the room of what became the Shrieking Shack, had been the most foolish act he had committed, and it was all out of curiosity. Since then, he was determined not to let anything else lead him astray. There was a sudden howl that shook him out of his thoughts. This time he felt the tree shake with the wild movements of the beast. Severus gulped. He felt like a child; the young foolish boy who had long ago slipped into the Whomping Willow. He was a man now, but that didn't mean he wasn't about to relive that foolish moment. With a slightly shaky leg, he stepped onto the first step and continued his journey upwards. The tree swayed and shook, but he kept going.

It took a longer time for him to reach the door. He could hear Lupin's secret stomping around. He laid a white hand on the door and slowly pushed, bracing himself for the worst. To his surprise, there was no werewolf inside. There was nothing but a replica of the old shack. There weren't even paw prints on the dusty ground to suggest and animal had been there. It was gone, perhaps due to his own courage. Severus released and breath and glanced around. Everything within the shack was the same, except for an opening in the wall to his right. It mirrored the outside opening of the tree. There was no light coming from it which told him it lead to another limbo. It was darkness.

He edged closer and saw that the opening lead to another tunnel. He sighed with annoyance. Either the tree was leading him in circles or it was truly his exit from Lupin's world. There was only one way to find out of course. He crossed the room and without any hesitation or fear of rampaging werewolves, he entered the opening, ready to brave his fate.

**For a moment, I thought it would take longer for me to get this fic done. It couldn't have ended sooner because I'm about to become really busy with school work, but the next couple of chapters will come about pretty fast I'm sure. And like I said, we are nearing the end. **

**I think once I got started writing Lupin's time with Severus, it became much easier to do, maybe moreso than Sirius and James. The last one delt with jealousy, this one dealing with what a real monster is-bad deeds. I planned Lupin's time to be shorter with Severus, but I ended up adding more which is good.**

**Guys keep the reviews coming! It really motivates me to get back to writing on this fic! I appreciate them so much. So stay tuned for the next chapter! You definately won't want to miss that one!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't Harry Potter.**

**Here it is guys, the chapter you've been waiting for! It all comes down to this moment, as well as what happens after. Severus has been on quite an enlightening journey, but it doesn't end just yet.**

**A Soul of Light**

Severus couldn't be sure how long he traveled through the dark tunnel. All he knew was that it was the loneliest journey he had ever taken. There was nothing to see, and nothing to hear, except the sound of his own harsh breathing and careful steps. It was a tunnel much like the tree's opening, yet there was something about it that made him feel somewhat depressed; like the passage was a dark memory he wanted to erase from his mind. He felt like he was risking much just to walk down it. Being that he couldn't so much as see the nose on his face, he couldn't be sure that something wasn't going to suddenly spring out at him, however, there was something, in the very back of his mind, telling him he was safe on this path.

After some time, the tunnel began to narrow. Severus kept his hands moving along the sides, if only to keep track of where the walls were. They were rough and earthy in scent. A few branches pulled at his robes as the tunnel forced him to bend a bit. But Severus noted something else happening to him. He was getting a warm, tingly sensation all over his body. So far, there hadn't been an established temperature until then. He paused at one point and tried hard to see through the blackness in order to look at his hand. He was unable to see whether the warm feeling was altering him in some way. He rubbed his hands together, then felt along his face. Nothing felt changed. Severus released a breath of relief. It appeared the warm feeling was only meant to keep him warm and not transform him in the way his reflection had back in Lupin's limbo. He was still human.

Severus was even more relieved when he saw a sign of light up ahead. He quickened his pace, while biting down on his lip. He could only think of one person who he had yet to meet, and he wasn't so sure he was ready for her. Nonetheless, he approached the opening and cautiously stepped out.

Immediately he was met with fresh air and a warm breeze that rustled his hair. Upon a quick glance behind him, he realized he hadn't stepped out of a Whomping Willow, but a different sort of tree that was slightly familiar. Severus didn't study on it for too long. He stepped forward to observe his new surroundings. It was all green and sun. Most importantly, he realized with a small intake of breath, it was a very familiar spot. It was a place that had become near and dear to him every summer's break when he was a boy. Down below the hill he stood upon was a playground. Next to him was the clump of bushes he'd hid behind to spy on a certain young red head. He turned back around to the tall tree from which he had revealed himself to her by levitating a flower to her hand.

Severus did not feel joy or comfort from the scene that stretched out before him. He felt numb, but the numbness quickly changed to fear as he searched for any sign of Lily Potter. She was not here. That gave him reason to feel relief and sorrow all at the same time. Severus didn't want to feel such things in this place. It was warm and soothing just like Hogwarts. He was grateful the places of the limbos weren't harsh, at least not as harsh as Lily's broken home. If this place had been his parent's home, he would have immediately assumed he'd gone to hell.

But he was coming to realize this new place may as well be hell. Though the atmosphere was warm, he felt cold. If there was a stronger reminder of his betrayal, stronger than the ruins of Godric's Hollow and Harry's arrival, it was this place of innocence.

There were no sounds of children's laughter. It was pure silence. It was horrible silence, made so because Lily would not come. Potter was wrong. She would not forgive him.

Severus stumbled under the weight and had to lean against the tree for support. His eyes shut tight while tears ran down his cheeks yet again. He felt the same way he had when he was sulking in Dumbledore's office the night the Dark Lord murdered the Potters. He had been selfish then, not caring that James was also killed and their son nearly killed as well. He didn't understand why he continued to inflict himself upon Lily. Everything revolved around her yet she was no longer his. After her death, he was still attached to her through her son as he sought ways to secretly protect him. Dumbledore had suggested he do so, for her. But did it matter? Had someone else looked out for Potter's safety, what would have happened to him?

He'd have fallen into madness with thoughts of Lily. Thoughts he feared might have faded away because Potter wasn't the dire focus of his attention. If he had never set foot at Hogwarts again as a professor, he would have been free of such a responsibility. But there was the high possibility he'd succumb to great depression with no reminder of Lily around him, except for her picture. In a way Potter had saved him from that loss.

Severus opened his eyes, desiring to curse his suffering, yet embrace it. He raised a hand, a small hand to wipe away the tears. Severus froze and stared at his hand which wasn't the hand of an adult's. He looked up at the tree and noticed he was much shorter than he had been a while ago. Then he glanced at both hands in fascination. If he had to guess, he had probably gone from a thirty eight year old man to a child of nine years. He assumed it had occurred because of the warm tingly sensation he'd felt during his tunnel walk. It had slowly shrunk him down and he hadn't realized it. He was only distracted by his sudden transformation when he felt the arrival of great love.

He turned and saw a familiar red-headed girl from his past. The very same girl he was sure wouldn't come, and not as a child. If he had been positive she'd come, he believed he would have seen her as the woman he'd held in his arms after her death. She would be lively, but perhaps have a scowl on her face at the sight of him.

Lily wasn't scowling. Her expression was blank; the same way it was on their first meeting when she was unsure of what to make of him. Severus struggled to speak first.

"Lily."

Even his voice was child like. He wondered if the change mainly happened because the betrayal was a childish act.

"Severus." He felt a pleasant shock at hearing her voice after all these years. That was especially true when she said his name. It could have stopped right there, but it wasn't enough.

He didn't think he ever felt more defeated. Severus made the agonizing steps toward her, then found himself falling to his knees. He didn't think he could cry anymore. Severus gave himself up completely to her, as if she was some kind of goddess.

"Lily...Lily I'm, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, please..." His head was bowed, but not in the same manner as he would be whenever he had to bow to the Dark Lord. Right now he feared Lily's reaction more than his. "Please forgive me...I'm sorry for what I did to you. To your son. I'm sorry,...sorry."

The silence was deafening. Severus feared the worst. He awaited the angry shouts. He even expected a sharp hit across the head, something he had been familiar with in his parents' home. For the most part, he expected she'd just walk away.

The last thing he expected was a gentle hand falling on his shoulder. Severus jerked his head up. Lily was smiling. She was smiling! There was no trace of rage or fear. She reached down to his hand and pulled him to his feet, then led him over to the swing set. She was the old Lily he remembered, before Hogwarts, before James Potter. She was his best friend Lily Evans. She jumped onto the swing and started swinging. It occurred to Severus that she'd only ever swung with her sister. Swinging was never an interest of his, but if it was something she wanted to do he would follow along. He sat gingerly on the seat next to her while his eyes searched her for any suspicious moves. So far she was acting like any typical girl on the swings. She wasn't bothering to discuss what he had done. Severus didn't question it. He didn't question why they were suddenly young or why she wanted to play. He just started to swing, slowly.

After a moment, Severus found himself reliving all the times they'd shared. It helped ease the feeling of depression and regret. He was a kid again, and with that feeling came joy. For the first time in a long time, he let himself go. He was swinging just as fast as Lily.

But it was when the joy overcame him that Lily slowed. Severus took notice and slowed down as well. She was giving him a curious stare. He almost wanted to ask "What's up?" but knew it wasn't the response to give.

"Why Severus?" She asked it in a desperate voice.

He didn't have to ask what she was asking about. He turned away.

"I...I don't know why. I made a mistake. The Dark Lord wanted information...I told him about the prophecy but he mistook it for your family. I didn't mean to, I...I thought it was what I wanted. I thought you'd want-"

"Being a follower to a dark wizard doesn't impress me," she said sharply, causing Severus to cringe. "I thought you knew how I felt about them."

"I did, but...I handled it poorly." Severus turned his focus to his feet. "You of all people know about my family, my parents. They always made me feel small, and unsafe. I thought, it would be a better turn for me, to get in with..."

"Death Eaters," Lily finished for him. It sounded odd and unnatural in her young voice. Upon that reminder, Severus rolled up his sleeve and looked at his arm. There was no dark mark upon it. "You're pure. You're no longer bound to them."

"Not after...Dumbledore. I did what he asked. I wasn't...I wasn't..." Severus didn't know how to explain that he wasn't on the dark-side when he'd practically lived there all his life. He invited it after acquiring a high taste in the dark arts. She laid a gentle hand on his own.

"It's okay. What's past, is past."

Severus gripped the chains of the swing nervously. Black had said the same. "But what awaits me now Lily?"

In response, she gave a sad smile, then she jumped off the swing and ran. Severus wasn't sure what to make of it, but after a minute he got up and ran after her.

He found her waiting near a different tree on another hillside, but she was no longer the little girl he first met. She was the adult version; the wife and mother he had held in his arms upon visiting her ruined home. When he came within a few feet of her, he paused and took in his own bodily appearance. He too had become his adult self; the older self that had been murdered. Severus flexed his fingers, then looked up at Lily who was watching him with her beautiful emerald eyes. If Severus had a working heart, he knew it would be beating uncontrollably at the sight of her. She smiled a soft gentle smile at him, then gave a small frown.

"You know I'm married Severus."

She said it as if it were something he should always be aware of. Severus's face darkened. He didn't need her to remind him of that. Only two limbos ago he had met with her husband and confessed that hidden love.

"Potter," he said bitterly. He had been the one she had chosen, and apparently it was because he had matured. If he hadn't met with him again in his strange world, he never would have believed it was possible. He had grown from an obnoxious little brat, into a kind and caring man. But had he himself really grown? He couldn't help truly wondering it now. Lily had moved past the days of criticizing James Potter, so much so that she had actually fallen in love with him. He, on the other hand, had not been so willing to forgive, especially since he took it as James stealing his love. The past was something he could never let go of, especially the guilt that came with it.

Severus looked at her and opened his mouth, then closed it again. Part of him wanted to share the fact that he had met with him again. That he had allowed him to feel fame and to move past jealousy, but he found he couldn't say much more than his name now, knowing she would most likely go to his world instead stay in this secret place only meant for them. He didn't want to share her by reminding himself of his time with her real love.

"You haven't changed much, have you Severus?"

It was almost a reprimand. Severus wasn't quite sure how to respond, being that he spent his life in regret, looked after a physical reminder of James, and played a double spy. He couldn't exactly find cheer. Death Eaters did not possess cheer. His work for the Dark Lord required him to be dark, but that was an excuse.

"The least you could have done, was change a little."

"What good would that do me?" he asked, in a near angry tone. "I had nothing."

"You had my son," she said frowning. Severus looked away as if ashamed. "If you couldn't have me, you at least had him to look after."

"But I did."

"On Dumbledore's orders. Not out of the kindest I know you possess in your heart. Not out of your love, for me."

Severus froze, startled. It was the first time he ever heard her mention his love for her. He had never been brave enough to express it in some romantic way, or to say it out loud. He wondered if she knew all along and was simply waiting for him to admit it.

"Lily," he said sadly. Her face softened in pity.

"Don't tell me you had nothing Sev. You had your life. You at least had that." It almost sounded like jealously, but Severus was determined to set her straight.

"Some life," he said bitterly. "Darkness, pure darkness. Nothing but nightmares almost every night. Constant fear of being killed by the Dark Lord. I didn't have some cozy existence after you'd gone."

"No," Lily agreed. "You stayed alone. You were always, alone."

Severus leaned against the tree as the feeling of loneliness over took him.

"Being alone suited me." The words tasted terrible on his tongue. "I suppose, it's the reason why I couldn't have you."

"I think we both agree that you determined that. A school house doesn't dictate who you are. You were in Slytherin and I was in Gryffindor."

"Two separate worlds."

"But that made no difference," Lily argued. "You always had a choice, like my son."

Severus believed the line would have been perfect without her tying Harry to it, but he had gotten past his un-acknowledgment of the boy. Lily moved closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You are like my son. You were very brave."

"But I, made so many mistakes."

Lily smiled in a way that hid her laughter. "No one is perfect Sev. But if you are ever to find something good, you must let go."

Severus's focus was on his feet. Could he really let go of what he'd done? Of choosing more hate than love? Had he not learned that from Black?

Severus gave a small nod.

"I wished I hadn't...I wished I had, told you how I felt about you. I wish a lot of things."

"Better late I suppose," she said with a small shrug.

Severus turned to her in wonderment. He was sure he'd never understand how she could forgive so easily. How she could contain so much love and happiness, especially in their dark world. Magic was fun and beautiful, but it came with dark wizards. Lily had been capable of holding onto her love just before she died. She had every reason to for the sake of her child. Severus wondered if he could do the same. He had never felt that kind of love when he was forced to protect Harry.

"How can you compare me to your son?" he asked with much confusion. He recalled Potter doing such a thing not too long ago.

Lily's face darkened at the question. "I could see his life. I know what misery he held before he discovered who he was. I saw the same thing in you Severus. The lonely, forgotten, mistreated boy. Both brave and loyal." Severus cringed at her use of the word _loyal._ He had been loyal all right, but loyal to the wrong side for much too long. "The only difference was that you knew more of the past than he did and you couldn't forget it."

"How could I?" he cried. He let himself sink to the ground in despair. "I betrayed the only person who ever really cared about me, before Hogwarts. I murdered my best friend."

"A mistake you lived with every day of your life. But then you took the past and used it against my son."

Severus looked at her with wide eyes, but he knew exactly what she was talking about. She was referring to his constant bullying of the boy. Always putting him down and giving him unnecessary punishments without a thought as to what she might think about it. He was always more of James's son in his eyes then. A prideful troublemaker. And if Black, Potter and Lupin weren't going to punish him for his actions against the boy, Lily was.

"Why were you so hard on him?"

She didn't sound angry when she asked, and Severus knew she already knew the answer. She just wanted him to admit his feelings out loud.

"He was him." He didn't expect the confession to give him pain. "He was the constant reminder of what I'd lost, and to who I'd lost to. He was my responsibility, and I hated him for it."

A cold wind blew through him. It was unnatural for the warm pleasant scene. Severus drew his knees up to his chin. He felt like the child he appeared to be a moment ago. It felt like a larger betrayal; to make Harry suffer.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I couldn't even say that to your son...and you think I'm so brave. Maybe he was right...he called me a...coward once."

The scene of him facing Harry after Dumbledore's death played out before him. There was Harry, more furious than his own father had ever been in his youth, ready to kill his one time potion's master. He had yelled that he was a coward. A coward for turning away from fighting him.

"He didn't know you like I know you Severus," she said gently.

"That's changed now," he said with a small smirk. "He admits that he knows me now."

For some reason, he knew that he didn't have to explain about the meeting with her son, nor about what was currently happening in the living world. It was unnecessary information. What mattered was now. He was hovering between a life he never had and a life he was sure wouldn't take him. His list of murders was short, but he knew he had damaged his soul regardless of what Dumbledore had said. Without warning, tears fell from his eyes.

"_Damn_." He was tired of feeling sad, tired of crying. He was so tired of carrying the weight. He was hardly aware of Lily's arms wrapping around his body. He couldn't uphold the indifferent mask any longer. The tears poured down, and he was crying a lot harder than he ever did in life.

Since time was not affective here, Severus had no idea how long he cried. He didn't know when he stopped nor when Lily began rubbing his back in a soothing manner. When he did notice, he looked up at the false sun in the sky. It was nice to be in the light again, even if it was after his death. He wished he could stay here forever, but something told him that wasn't possible. After the cry, he felt much lighter. It was a feeling he assumed ghost would have. Much of the weight was gone. Lily had forgiven him without words. She straightened up and looked down at him.

"I can pretend I'm not disappointed with some of the things you've done, especially the things you've done toward our son."

Severus expected to be scolded, but he had barely expected her to talk like she had suddenly realized he was an enemy. That was especially true when she stated Potter as being her's and James's son. She had stated it like he had deliberately attacked their family. He dropped his head and awaited the punishment that was sure to come after such gentle words.

"But you did, keep him alive. For that, I'm grateful."

Severus looked up at her. She looked serious, but at the same time, she looked kind.

"But I must know, did you ever, care about Harry?"

The question was like a knife in the gut. Did he ever care about Harry? Dumbledore had posed the same question when they were alive. It felt like a complex question, but the answer was simple. He tightened his lips and looked away from her as he gave the answer with a shake of his head.

"I cared to protect him. I couldn't feel, more for the boy. I'd never let myself feel, that much more, than hatred," he whispered in a voice full of pain. Lily didn't reprimand him for not loving her son. It was like she understood. His blood didn't run in the boy's.

"Well, it's as I've said. I'm grateful you kept him alive." What felt like a minute passed before she spoke again, this time with a sigh. "I suppose then, every school needs a greasy git for a professor."

Severus wasn't sure whether he should laugh or not, particularly after confessing how he felt about Potter. He wasn't unaware of the things people called him behind his back.

"But was I a good professor?" If there was anything he wanted to be sure of, about himself from her, it was his ability to teach others. It was a way of confirming that he was good for sharing something, other than taking and hurting. It was the only thing he could think of that registered as a kind act from himself.

Lily's lips were pursed as she gazed down at him, then she gave a curious smile. "Yes. You were good. A little childish with your rants and punishments, but you did well for yourself."

He could hear it as kind words to spare her full feelings about it. He knew his teaching methods wasn't to her liking. They had never been to anyone's liking except the Slytherins. But there was no going back to do it over. If he could, he wasn't sure there'd be much difference with his behavior and it was mainly because he so desired the Dark Arts.

"Damn potions," he groaned. "I knew potions, but I wanted the Dark Arts."

"And I believe you knew why Dumbledore never gave it to you until much later."

"Why? I suppose I should have asked before he left." Severus wasn't so sure he really knew the answer. Lily kneeled down next to him and stared into his eyes with a serious expression.

"Dumbledore always had his reasons. But I believe he knew your love of the Dark Arts was too deep. Much too risky to explore when you were meant to stay on the side of light."

"But...I chose my side after..," he couldn't mention her death, "I wouldn't change just because I was teaching it."

"No offense Sev, but I think the last thing the school needed was for someone like you to encourage interest in that category of magic with Voldemort on the rise. You weren't exactly gentle and pleasant during class time."  
"I...I suppose not." It was hard for him to admit it now. It had always been normal to act coldly. He was not like Lily, and not like James. But Dumbledore had let it slide, and so had the rest of the staff. Had the rest of the staff known his full history, they would have pitied him, and he knew he couldn't take that.

"Let's no longer talk of your profession. It's in the past, and you can't change it. All you can do is change your future."

Severus gazed at her with desperation and fear.

"How do I do that?"

She smiled and stood, then she extended a hand.

"It's something you must determine on your own."

He hesitated before taking her hand. It was so warm and soft. He could not recall a time he'd ever really held her hand. Lily pulled him to his feet with ease.

For a moment, neither of them said anything. Of course they could have talked about the old days when they were children playing together. And though Lily knew of his time on earth, he could have told her about her son. But it felt unnecessary. His death was the beginning of something new. Severus looked at the warm horizon. What lay beyond this place, he didn't yet know, and he was frightened to know. For some reason, he knew there would be no more visitors after her.

"You were very brave to die that way." Severus looked at her and was startled to see tears running down her cheeks. Right away it told him that she had cried for his death. "A pointless death...you gave nothing away."

Severus took her hands in his. "I did it all for you."

Lily nodded. "But you also did if for yourself."

Never had he seen her green eyes sparkle, like jewels. All he wanted to do was just stand there and gaze at them. He didn't want to think about where he was going or what was happening in the living world. For the most part, that part of his wish was coming true. Lily didn't leave him. She stayed there with him, gazing back at her friend from long ago. She was more alive than ever, carrying not the weight of anger and bitterness from the betrayal, but love. If he could have one more wish, it would be that she accompany him to where ever the road would take him, and she would stay with him forever.

He was only distracted from her when he saw a strange light up ahead. He turned from her and gazed at the sudden appearance of his patronus, a doe. There was nothing it needed to protect him from. It was simply moving about like a normal deer, grazing in the grass. Then it looked up and met Severus's gaze.

"I have to go soon," said Lily quietly. Severus looked back at her and frowned.

"Must you?"

"I'm married, remember? James needs me."

"I need you," he argued. He found that he no longer had the same anger he had in life. It came across as sad desperation rather than rage.

Gently Lily pulled her hands from his. Severus stared down at the broken connection.

"You need, yourself. You've lost that part of you so long ago."

"I don't think, I've ever had it. I've never known."

With the harsh, neglectful way that he was raised, and the constant bullying at school, followed by getting in with dangerous legions, he wasn't sure he had ever really gotten to know himself.

"Better late, I suppose," he whispered to himself.

Lily gave him her biggest grin and ran a hand down his cheek. Then she did something she had never done in life. She leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. It wasn't done with the same kind of passion that she would give to her lover. It was a passion that quenched his deep love for her. When the kiss was broken, he gazed back at her in surprise. He still loved Lily, but he found he was no longer obsessed with her. He had accepted her marriage to Potter. She was no longer the same kind of love of his life. It was frightening to feel that he had let her go, but at the same time it was comforting. The last weight had been released.

"Come," she said simply. She took his hand and started to lead him down the hill. His patronus doe watched them go. Severus followed along in a slight daze. He felt her kiss had done something more than to release her from him. It had filled him with love. The same passionate love she always carried.

He was barely aware of the scene shifting to King's Cross. It was only when he noticed the familiar sign of _Hogwarts Express 9 3/4_ that he recalled Potter mentioning he had met Dumbledore here. Severus gazed around for any sign of him, but he was no where. There were no children excited about taking the train to Hogwarts. It was just the two of them, not counting the patronus doe that was grazing nearby on the platform. Severus stared at it, but he didn't question it's presence. He had a feeling he knew why it was with him.

Lily led him to the edge, past the place where Severus had first watched Lily fight with her sister about leaving for the first time; past the place were he once stood with his sulking mother. He briefly wondered why he wasn't meeting with his parents.

There was no train on the tracks. Severus gazed down it as he continued to hold onto Lily's hand.

"Where's the train?" It was a childish question for him to ask, but for some reason he felt a hint of innocence within him. He knew it was because he was standing on the platform. Though they were adults, he and Lily were in a way reliving their first moment on platform 9 3/4. Their first departure from the regular world into the magical one. So it made sense his departure into the beyond would take place as the most joyous and memorable experiences of his life. His ride on the Hogwarts express had been the first real exciting moment of his life, if not the only one.

"It will be here, when you are ready," said Lily.

Severus turned to her again.

"I'm not sure I'm ready, to leave you."

She shook her head and smiled sadly at him. "Oh Sev, don't you understand. This isn't the end for us. You'll see me again. We'll be together, as friends. But first, I think it's important you remember what kind of person you are before that happens. To repair your soul and love it."

Her hands were cupped around his face, and for a moment Severus saw her as the mother she truly was, though she was seeing him off in a way she would have seen off her own son had she had the chance. Severus gazed down at his feet and nodded. He felt her finger wipe a tear from his eye, then she let go and was pulled away.

Severus had just enough time to watch as her soul drifted away from him. His softened eyes never left her green ones. He didn't call out to her to stay. He didn't cry or scream in anger. When she was gone, that part of his connection to her was also severed. The part that was so obsessed that he couldn't live properly. All was quiet. He stayed frozen, staring at the spot where she had disappeared. It was up to him to go on. To live in the way that he should have, and it wasn't too late.

It was never too late.

Severus looked over at the grazing doe patronus. It was the only reminder he had left of Lily. It felt sad, yet beautiful. Severus only turned away from it when he heard the familiar horn of the train. Severus turned and saw it chugging up the tracks. It's bells and whistles sounded so inviting. He watched as it slowly pulled up to the platform, brought to him by invisible means. Then it came to a stop with the entrance right in front of him.

He was apparently ready to go on.

It was a train all for himself. He smirked as he thought of the times he chastised Potter for desiring special ways to get to school. In this place, it was he who would get the special ride, like a celebrity. He grabbed onto the bar and stepped aboard. Then he turned and faced the platform. The train made itself heard as it slowly pulled away. As it moved, ghostly images of the students and parents appeared on the platform. None took notice of him. He was reliving a scene. The only thing that didn't fit among them was the doe which slowly vanished into wisps of blue light. But there was another thing that didn't fit.

Dumbledore was standing in the middle, gazing back at him with a smile. He said nothing, and he didn't wave. Severus watched him until the train pulled him out of his sight.

As it made for the country scene he was so used to, Severus made his way down the aisle and into a compartment he was sure he had once shared with Lily. He could practically see her ghost image across from him, as a giggling child, excited for this new adventure. Severus couldn't help it. He too gave a laugh. Something he couldn't ever remember doing. Suddenly he didn't feel so alone.

It was better not to be alone, and he couldn't wait for the moment when he would see Lily again.

**Don't depart from me just yet! There's still another chapter to go! **

**So, Lily released Sev from his obsession of her. Sev loved Lily, but it appeared to be to a level of obsession. She is married after all. I feel their interaction came easier than the others. The things they touched on were innocent and direct. She would of course be the force that released him into the beyond.**

**But with another chapter to go, I'm sure you're wondering what happens to him now.**

**Please review guys and I'll let you know next time!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter**

**Here it is guys! The last chapter to this fic, and what I thought might possibly be my last HP fanfic to write. I left a couple of challenges on the board, but it looks like I'll have to write them. Til then, we conclude.**

What Remains Left Behind

There seemed to be far too much rubble to clear away. Far too many things ruined to ever be repaired again, and that was by magic. Harry sauntered through it without really seeing it. It was far too much to look at closely. The castle, his school, his home for so many years had been damaged, seemingly irrevocably. But the students had stood up within it. They had fought using all their courage, all their strength, all their magic. They had fought, and they had won. There was nothing left to do now except gather up the pieces. There was still that hollowness within Harry as he watched the staff make the effort. Bodies were being moved and sorted out. In little time, there would be plans for their funeral; plans to dictate them as heroes of Hogwarts. He, on the other hand, would be classified as hero of the whole wizarding world.

Harry sat down and smirked when he thought of the person who would love to hold it over his head.

_'Famous Harry Potter. Hero of the wizarding world. I suppose you expect us to bow down to you now? I think not Potter. Fifty points from Gryffindor!'_

He could hear Snape saying those exact words. It was something he cherished, making a fool out of him. In the beginning, before he understood, it came across as cruel, but now it was a near joke. It was his personality, and if he was going to respect him, he had to understand that he was that way for a reason. No more hating without understanding. Harry had taken things for granted. He had been quick to judge. The war had changed all that. He had been forced to learn so much more; forced to learn things he didn't necessarily wish to learn, but had to for the sake of others.

Harry looked out across the grounds. The ended battle felt like the end of his school days. He had skipped his seventh year. There were things he could still learn, but now it was the farthest thing from his mind. He couldn't be sure if he would return to conclude his seventh year learning experience. A few people passed him, and all of them patted his shoulder or congratulated his efforts. Harry barely heard them. He was thinking of the one body that would not be considered a hero. The one that still lay forgotten. His focus and his thoughts drifted across the grounds to the boathouse. There, in his opinion, a real tragic hero lay, alone.

Harry did not want it to end for him like that, not after everything he'd gone through.

Harry stood and clutched his newly fixed wand, then he took a few shaky steps forward.

"Harry?"

He turned to see his faithful companions behind him, along with Ginny.

"Where are you going?" Hermione asked. Harry frowned. For a second, he had the image of how they looked in their first year when they were all so inexperienced and immature (possibly not counting Hermione). Now, they were adults, with great knowledge on magic, war, and death. Harry turned away as the hollowness deepened. Would they understand why he needed to do this? He didn't much feel like explaining his reasons for defending the most hated teacher of all times.

"To the boathouse," he said simply.

Ron and Hermione traded a look.

"What for?" Ron asked suspiciously.

"To get Snape." They acted as if an electric shock had gone through them.

"But, Harry..." Hermione was looking desperate as she tried to find the right words. "I don't know what you saw in his memories, but he's-"

"A good man," Harry interrupted. Neither of them looked strong enough to argue the words against his feelings. That gave Harry the opportunity to explain. "I saw it. I saw a lot of things in there. Look..if you come with me..I can explain."

Ron and Hermione traded their looks again. Ginny didn't know what to make of it. When Harry looked at her, her eyes fell to the ground. He could tell she couldn't take anymore sudden news breaks. The one where his death was announced had sent her over the edge, and she had yet to fully mourn her brother. Slowly she shook her head.

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

"Don't be," he said gently. "You belong with your family right now. But, Snape's out there alone."

She didn't try to pretend she understood, but she assumed he required some privacy to his odd thoughts. She nodded and backed away to join the rest of the Weasleys'. Harry looked at Ron and Hermione, then turned away without saying a word. He didn't have to. Ron and Hermione fell in behind him, like old times, and Harry quietly told all he had seen. He explained about Snape's friendship with his mother which earned him a cry from Ron, which only became louder when Harry told him Snape loved her. He brought to light Snape's role as a victim in his dad's pranks. For some reason, it felt easier for him to discuss his school days with Lily as opposed to discussing his secret plans with Dumbledore. Ron and Hermione listened intensively and didn't interrupt once. By the end of it, Harry knew their opinion had changed. He couldn't be sure if it was in the same way as his own opinion. It was different since it had been his mother involved with Snape. It had been Dumbledore, the man whom he regarded highly, who never failed to believe in the man. And now Harry believed in him, but it came too late. It didn't come until after he had died.

"Oh Harry," cried Hermione, once the story came to an end.

"There's something else too," said Harry as the boathouse came into sight. He stopped and the others stopped behind him. He turned and faced them with a serious look. "When I...died, I didn't only meet Dumbledore, I met with Snape."

"You saw Snape?" asked Ron who couldn't seem to decide how to feel about it.

"I went to Snape, after Dumbledore. I had to."

"What did you...I mean, what did he say?" Normally Hermione wouldn't have posed such a question. It was something expected from Ron, but now there were tears in her eyes from the sorrowful story of the potions master.

Harry gave a small shrug. "I just told him what I saw. I just...we kind of comforted one another. I really wanted to know why he never told me he loved my mother, but the way we talked...it was like I finally understood him."

Neither of them seemed to need a more detailed explanation. They understood that it was a private affair, one Harry wanted to cherish for himself.

"You know they're not gonna believe it," Ron pointed out.

"And why not?" Hermione challenged. "After what Harry's done? They'll have to listen to him now. Look how long it took them to believe Voldemort returned. If he tells them Snape was a hero-"

"I won't have to prove it with his memories," Harry said suddenly. "They're private. They'll believe me. They'll believe him."

With that Harry turned and walked away from them, straight to the boathouse.

Nothing had changed since he left it behind for the castle. Still, it was a sight he could barely cope with. There, by the bloodstained window, lay the body of Severus Snape; one time potions master, part-time headmaster of Hogwarts. Harry had felt so ready to return to him, but now, after everything, after the truth had been revealed, it felt like the second hardest thing to do next to defeating Voldemort. He stood with his hand barely slipping off the door knob, and stared down at the crumpled body. The blood from the neck wound had run all down to his chest. A simple hand against his neck hadn't been enough to stop it, to save his life. The air was cold in the room. Harry glanced back at Ron and Hermione. Their faces were blank, but solemn. Now that they knew, they cared more. A few tears still trickled down Hermione's cheeks. She had always come to the defense of the professor, in the best way that she could. She had been under the impression that she must always respect a Hogwarts' teacher, no matter how greasy they were. Ron on the other hand had always sided with Harry's negative beliefs about the man. The number of times he called him the worst names, Harry couldn't count. They were on the same level of despising the man, or so Harry thought. Upon learning of his hatred for his dad, and the way he told Voldemort about the prophecy had left Harry to feel a great rage against him. It had only worsened after the demise of Dumbledore, and that had caused Harry to see him no different than the Dark Lord himself. But in the magical world, things weren't what they seemed, and that included Snape.

Harry stepped forward. Snape's head was turned away from him to the side. He felt it was a shame he couldn't turn and bare his cold black eyes into his own, the way he'd done all year long. They had been full of loathing, and now they were lifeless. There were no more insults, no more curling lips from him. All Harry was left with was the vulnerable side of the man. The one that had cried in the limbo he visited. Harry gulped and sank to his knees next to him. He was reliving a moment from not too long ago. It was the same scenario; the only difference was that Snape had been struggling to remain alive.

Harry lay a hand on his chest. He felt something warm on his cheek.

"You had me fooled professor," he said quietly. He had done his job well. Voldemort had never found out his true allegiance.

"What do we do now?" Ron asked in the silence following.

Harry sighed. He wasn't thinking about that. He was imagining an alternate scene. What would have happened had Snape lived? If Voldemort had decided to spare him? Would their relationship be as clean, if not cleaner than it had been when he visited his ghost? Try as he might, he could not picture him softening up to him. He could not see the man treating him as kindly as he had his mother. Snape would always be Snape. The man Neville had been most scared of. An image of darkness within the warm castle walls. Harry did not particularly want to change that character. He was simply glad only his opinion changed.

Had Snape lived, Harry would have been forced to defend him, and he would. Perhaps he would go back to teaching potions. But would he have been whole after everything? He wasn't so sure he would. If anything, he hoped he had found peace, whether in the limbo of Hogwarts or beyond.

"We take him back up to the castle, then, we have him arranged for burial next to Dumbledore."

It felt odd making such a bold decision, but it also felt right. It was something he was sure he might want. Without a word, he raised himself up and brought out his wand.

"If only..." Harry started to say. He fell quiet when Hermione approached him with old blankets she'd found. They weren't exactly clean, but she took care of that with a wave of her wand.

Without a need to explain, he, Ron and Hermione set about covering the professor in what had become pure white covers. When it was secure, all three lifted their wands and raised his body. If it was odd to plan his burial, it felt more odd to move his body without permission from anyone.

They backed out of the boathouse. They guided his body as gently as they could. Harry tried not to think about the corpse under the covers. He just tried to think about his living soul. The times he'd shared with him, even though they were dark. He was sure the others were doing the same thing.

The sky was darkening as they made the trek back to the castle. It was also silent. All of it was befitting the professor.

The new Headmistress professor McGonagall was awaiting, along with a crowd of worried students and staff members.

"Potter? Where have you been? We were starting to worry?"

Her scolding voice could never compare to Snape's.

"I went to fetch Snape's body," Harry told her matter of factly.

"You, you what?"

After setting his body down, in the place they probably felt he didn't deserve to be, Harry explained. It hadn't been easy since he left out the personal information from his memories. No one else would learn about his love for Lily Potter. When he had finished retelling them what he had learned, she stepped aside and allowed him to bring the body in, to be dealt with along with the others. Everyone respectfully parted as Harry, made his way with the body behind him. It was not about Harry in that moment. It was all about professor Severus Snape, the second hero in the struggle.

_**Twenty years later**_

Harry made what felt like a long journey to meet up with the man that had protected him all the years of his youth. A man who hadn't meant anything but pain for the longest time. Now he meant something else. On that day, after everything was over, Harry felt like he was in the man's debt. But what could he have done but make sure the truth was known? Harry had found a way, but to him it hadn't felt like enough.

After ensuring the professor had a descent burial, Harry set to work on having his portrait installed in the Headmaster's room. There had been some conflict over the matter as some still sided with the idea that Snape was a traitor. That he had intentionally become a headmaster to harm, yet train young students as a favor to his master. Harry blamed the outcome on good faith alone. If so many people hadn't had faith in his abilities or ideas, he was sure Snape would remain as a cowardous traitor to the wizarding world. But his word, along with some proof, had given Severus Snape a chance to return to his old home. He would no longer be insulted, but even if he was it was only as a joke and not as a remark for his allegiance to Voldemort. He had built up quite a reputation for being a slimy, cynical, criticizing git who stalked the halls of Hogwarts like a bat and towered in a threatening manner over his students like a poisonous snake.

Harry hadn't expected any change from him when he encountered his portrait for the first time. It was a perfect likeness of the man he had known. There were no tricks done to make him look like a kind brave hero; his lips curled, his eyes darkened, and his arms were folded as if he was awaiting his students to foul up in some miserable way with a potion. Harry couldn't help feel an ounce of regret, knowing the students would never have to endure another one of his torturous lessons. His days tormenting his students were over. His days as a Headmaster hadn't lasted long enough for judgment, though Harry and many others agreed it would have been no different from the way he ran his potion's class. He was no Dumbledore. There was only one of that powerful wizard, like there was only one Severus Snape. Any potions master following to take his place would not compare.

Harry remembered thinking all those things when he had stood before the newly hung portrait. He had been trying to think of something to say while Snape stared down at him with his cold black eyes. He hadn't bothered to say anything, let alone move. Minutes had gone by before Snape had broken the silence.

"_Stand there any longer Potter, and you'll collect dust."_

Harry had felt a warm shock at hearing his cold drawl. It was almost like old times, Snape insulting him like he normally did. Harry had hid a smirk.

'_Good morning to you too sir,'_ he had told him. Snape had sneered in disgust at his happy expression. Harry was sure he wouldn't want it any other way. It would be unnatural if Snape had suddenly smiled and congratulated his efforts. It was the Snape he had known, but only as a portrait. It was only a two dimensional example of what had been.

"_I suppose you're deciding on what you can take from this office for your own personal collection?" Snape had said as more of a statement than question._

_"No sir, I just wanted to say, thank you."_

Snape merely stared down at him, with no readable expression on his face. It had been a sign of him trying to come up an insult for his sign of gratitude.

"_You have much to be grateful for Potter. For if it wasn't for me, you would not be standing there."_

_"Now Severus," Dumbledore's portrait had suddenly said._

_"It's all right sir. I know that's his way of saying you're welcome," _Harry had assure him. He had kept his gaze on Snape's painted eyes, until it was time for him to take his leave.

Harry hadn't gone back up to the castle to visit the portrait. He hadn't gone back to explain that he had moved on with his life; that he had finally found a less chaotic life with his new family. And now he made his way across the grassy field to meet with an actual representation of the man. One that was not a painting, but a body left behind under a marble tomb near Dumbledore's. His name and his death were written in silver, along with a description that read: _'A reserved hero who's courageous efforts brought peace to the magical world'._

When Harry reached it, he bent down and ran his fingers over the stone. Regardless of being under the sun, the stone was cold. Another aspect shared by Snape. He dropped his eyes to the tomb itself. Ginny had offered to come with him, but he wanted to come alone.

"Good afternoon professor," he greeted, although he was sure there was little chance Snape would be listening, whether such a thing was possible or not. He had never taken kindly to what he had to say to him. "I just finished visiting Dumbledore and...well, I told him how I was, and the family..."

He trailed off, knowing full well Snape would not appreciate small talk. He could almost hear him shouting '_Get on with it Potter!'_

At that thought he gave a sad smile. Since his death, he had never met anyone with such a personality. He had been the last of the Snapes'; the last of the greasy haired gits. Though there may be gits out there that were just as greasy as he'd been, they would not replace the brave man lying under the earth. He cleared his throat and started again.

"There I go rambling, and I know it wasn't something you liked." He knew even more that he didn't particularly like chatting with his students if it had nothing to do with potions. Harry nearly grimaced at the thought of cauldrons. In the day following his burial, Harry had briefly considered perfecting the art of potion making as a sort of dedication to the man. He quickly gave up the effort when he caused his creation to explode, causing his skin to break out in ugly violet rashes. Perfecting potions wasn't a way to honor the man. It was simply remembering him as who he really was, but Harry had found another way to honor him.

"I never told you this sir, but, I named my oldest son after you. You and Dumbledore. His name is Albus Severus Potter. I don't know if you still felt hatred toward that name...I'm sure, after our meeting that day..." he paused as he thought of the unforgettable moment where he met Snape after death in his potions' class, "things changed between us. I'm sure you couldn't go on unless you, let go of some things, like my namesake."

Harry hoped with all his heart that he had moved on. Though he could understand his love of the dungeons, he did not like the idea of him being there all alone for the rest of eternity. He had been such a lonely figure in life. He unconsciously ran a hand through his hair, then grinned when he realized what he had done. It was not too unlike the way he had seen his father fuss with his hair in Snape's memories.

"Sorry about that...suppose parental habits come along later in life." He stared at the writing again, then his gaze drifted downward. He briefly regretted not bringing flowers, but knowing Snape, it was probably better that he brought nothing at all. The only thing he would have probably liked to have seen from him was a decent potion. He sighed as he tried to think of something to say. He had already thanked him, thrice. What was left? Nothing but the bit of news about naming his son after him. Then he thought about his mother and imagined her and Snape, reuniting as old friends. It hadn't been what Snape had wanted for long in life, but her friendship was worth just as much.

"Mom, I hope you're looking after him from time to time. He needed you. He had so much regret for your death, I saw it." He stooped down again and ran his fingers over the edge of the headstone. He wasn't sure when there would be another time when he'd visit the man. In the back of his mind, he had said all he wanted, yet it wasn't an excuse for him not to come back. Dumbledore had once said it wasn't good for him to dwell on dreams and forget to live. He had a family to look after. They needed him and he had to let go for good.

"Guess I've said all I can say," he said quietly. "Goodbye professor,...and thank you."

Harry stood and took a few steps back, staring at the name _Severus Tobias Snape._ Then suddenly, out of the blue, a cold wind came along and brushed against his immobile form, threatening to knock him down. After several seconds, it was gone completely.

A muggle forecaster would have found it extremely odd that such a wind would suddenly show up and then suddenly disappear. It didn't fit in the way normal weather worked, but somehow Harry just knew the wind hadn't been a sign of normal weather. It had been a sign of something far more important. He looked up at the sky and smiled. It would be the first and last time Harry ever had physical contact with his late professor. Of course he could have been completely mental for labeling the wind in that way, but it was too much of a coincidence, like his mother's friendship with a dark man. But now the professor had Harry's friendship, whether he wanted it or not. He was in his debt after all.

After one last look at the tomb, Harry turned away. In his ears, he could almost hear the words, '_Well done Mr. Potter'._ For he had finally done something to impress the greasy git.

**So that was the end of it. Nice and sweet. Severus went on his journey and moved on, and Harry was also able to come to terms with what happened and moved on. Hope you enjoyed it. If ever I have the time, I would like to create another fic concerning Snape. A very very weird one, but for now, this was weird enough.**


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